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This is from the same luser of my previous daylog.

"The backslash comes before or after the character you want to escape?".

Arghhhhhh!!.

On other nicer stuff...

Last monday morning Baffo's Miss Nice catched me early in the office, rarelly I get here before she does (I even get after she leaves, she does mornings, I do evenings). She greeted my with a nice and happy smile and a laughing question; "Have you been were since yesterday?!?!?". "No!, yesterday was a sunday!" said I, giving proof that I too can get up early :).

She told me about her's last night dream about a weird takeoff on a paraglider.

Aparently someone lend her his paraglider, and she tough about testing it. Soon after wearing the harness and the other gadgets, a strong wind takes her off ground. She manages to fly the thing, noting how easy is to steer it, and lands thinking "if I did this from the ground, I'm ready to doit from the top of the mountain".

Oh!, a nice dream, I haven't have one of those in years!.

After living with the undead so long, I am amazed to find there is still wonder in the world, and people who find joy in the stars.

Another unsuccessful day flat hunting. If anyone is looking for a flatmate within commuting distance to Mt Eden/Newmarket in Auckland, New Zealand, please /msg me.

I left my first flower today...

After work I went to the cemetary to leave a flower behind, as I said I would a while back.

Name: Joroe Luis Gacrcia
Born: Oct. 10, 1956
Death: Mar, 13, 1958

Two fucking years old and dead. His burial ground was so small, it saddened me. I gave a speech though I did not know the baby. I broke to tears, how can one die so young? Why is it that life exists for some people and not others? Some people waste their life by doing nothing, not succeeding in anything. Some people live life in glass shields, never allowing people into their lives, never loving, never caring about anything or anyone at all. Some people live life with masks, they're never the person they really are, never, not even to their significant other. Some people live life through death, always trying new things like falling off a cliff and seeing if they survive. I'm not saying that people living through death can't love, but then why would they risk the chance of leaving loved ones behind? I've vowed to do something important with my life, whatever it may be.

I had quite a productive day in my humble estimation. I went to classes, managed to remember to record Passions (sadly, watching this show is one of the highlights of my day) before I left, and worked inbetween classes. My last class of the day is Geology 101 or as it is sometimes referred to, Rocks for Jocks. I need one easy class a semester, found that one out the hard way. The geology professor was really animated, that's really the best word to describe him, which is a good thing because I can easily see how a monotone professor could make the study of rocks really, really boring.

Anyhow, one of my good friends is in the class with me and I'd talked to her the night before how I needed to get some counseling for my messed up head, and she very nicely volunteered to take me over to the health center to make an appointment. It was an offer I couldn't refuse, and I was really glad that she was there because if I'd been by myself I don't think I could have gone through with filling out the paperwork. It seems so strange to put down the things that you're going through on paper. One of the sheets contained probably about 60 different "concerns" you might have and you had to circle 1-5 based on how concerned you were with this, but I had to analyze them all. "Pregnancy"...nope, don't have to worry about that since I'm a virgin; "Anxiety"...I'm in the school of engineering aren't I?; "Suicidal Thoughts"...well yeah, that IS the reason I'm here but I don't want to seem too nutty so I'll put down 4. It's just strange to see everything so cut and dried like that.

I guess they read my sheet and decided that I was really screwed up so they wanted to see me right away. (Actually, I'm sure they just wanted to cover their asses in case I went home and killed myself after making an appointment for next week.) The therapist was pretty nice, a lady probably in her thirties somewhere but I'm a horrible judge of age. She asked me how it felt to be depressed and it's so hard to put down things that occur only in your head into words so I managed something like, "It's like I'm looking and thinking through liquid." No, I haven't been to a therapist before...No, I haven't been sexually abused...Yes, I've cut myself...Yes I've thought about suicide. Then she asked me about the thoughts which I have detailed here and I told her and she's like, "You put a lot of thought into that." Yeah. And then she asked me if I would do it which I interpreted to mean "Are you going to off yourself in the near future?" to which I answered, "Not if I were thinking rationally."

Then came the obligatory questions about use of psychotrophic substances which was a whole new can of worms and I told the truth about it and probably came out sounding way more crazy than I actually am, but no matter. Anyhow, apparently I do too many drugs and drink for Prozac and kin which was good because that meant that I didn't have to talk someone out of putting me on those things. I refuse to be on your government-sanctioned numb pills. I want to feel happy, not nothing at all and I've heard stories of personal Prozac hell of the craziness of experimenting with which one works for you and dosages. And apparently, she thinks my drug use is causing the depression. Yeah, that explains the anorexic 11 year-old who was obsessed with the end of the world and the anorexic 13 year-old who found out that no matter how thin she got it wouldn't make her happy and the 14 year-old who cried every day and the 16 year-old who cut herself fairly often with scissors. The 17 year-old started taking psychedelics and I believe that they actually helped me through some of my problems, at least temporarily. When I was tripping on acid and looking at myself in a mirror not as if I was looking at myself but as someone else, I was able to see myself in the ways that others saw me and it wasn't that bad. Others who look at you don't pick apart every little flaw that they find as you do with yourself. Thinking of this today still takes the edge off of some of that biting self-criticism. Now the 19 year-old is depressed and as close to suicidal as she's ever been, but I had a good run there.

So I said I'd lay off of drugs for a while, which is an outright lie. DJ Spree is playing in the city of love this weekend and I'm definately planning on rolling, but after that it will be no problem. So it's not a total lie I guess, I'll just ravage those serotonin levels once more and we'll see. I totally think that this theory is bullshit, but I'm going back anyway. I'm just hoping that this will help. Maybe I'm too optimistic, seeing therapy as this modern panacea to the ennui of the age, hoping that I'll go talk to someone with a PhD for a few hours and everything will be all right...

12:06

What, you thought I had quit or something?
HA!
Eat my hard links, day log hating cowards!

My unfortunate E2 inactivity is hopefully going to end in a day or two. There has been a mad crunch at work to get things done before the deadline, so the last 1.5 weeks have been just insane. Furthermore, fighting against hardware problems have been taking up most of my spare time, leaving me without much desire to node or do anything constructive. Fortunatley things seem to be calming down both in home and in the office.
About day logs.. After my previous entry there hasn't been much to say. I guess I got enough of my immaturity out in the open with that silly writeup, so I didn't feel the need for using this outlet in a few weeks.
I hope the 2 noders who actually read my scribblings haven't missed me too much. :)

Ok, back to the usual day log business.

Technology hates me.
As much as I love being a geek with circuitry and cords instead of social life and a girlfriend (my subtle sarcasm skills could use improvement), things can get incredibly frustrating every once in a while. Is there a law stating that all the devices, drivers and pieces of software must fail simultaneously? At one moment things are fine, and in a second my interface for connecting to the rest of the world and to my own creativity source is reduced into a pile of unusable plastic and metal.
But like I hinted above, the situation is more or less under control. There still is the matter of getting a replacement for my brand new Hitachi monitor which for some reason doesn't feature the anti-glare coating it is supposed to. Plus making a bomb threat to Microsoft and Creative so that they would do something to the terrible Windows 2000 Live! support.
I want my AC-3 and DTS working, god damn it...

Time to start planning and researching on what to node next. Don't worry, Synth fans.. There's plenty of sweet stuff for you ahead. :)

x - or - o?


i can't sleep; i w|i started wearing |i haven't done our
as offline for a w|a wrist supporter |resumes  yet.  you
hile, i laid down |today..with all of|come  back shortly
to read a lame-o g|the time i've been|and you need a job
irlish  mag  to pa|on e2 lately, my w|worse  than  i do.  
ss the time while |rist/hand/arm/etc |i'm  sorry,  erika
i thought of you. |have started to re|i have no  freakin 
an hour later, i j|bel. i'm uber worr|discipline  lately
ust had to come se|ied since i'm only|and i wish i could
e if by chance psy|24, and my life wi|gain some  sort of 
chic sleepiness wa|ll depend on usage|balance in my life
s indeed a reality|of my hands. it's |*sigh* i shouldn 
youre  not online.|ambidexterity time|t gamble your life
---------------------------------------------------------  
she rambles on and|                  |he said  he doesn't         
on in #e. am I the|                  |understand why we s
only one bothered |                  |hould be each other
by the fact that s|      tic         |s date for valentin
he admittedly 'doe|      tac         |es day. friends don
sn't get' e2 -- so|      toe         |t bring friends flo
lely  out of refus|  f               |wers or celebrate r
al since we know s|  r               |omance. it's like c
he's a smart gal--|  i          x    |heating on a diet .
why should we endu|  e  or      or   |that hurt more than 
re the CRAP that s|  n           o   |anything malicious
pews from this unh|  d     foe   ?   |you could ever drea 
appy child's mouth|                  |m up. forget it all
----------------------------------------------------------  
The digital second|i needed some kind|        
counter on my watc|of  drugs tonight.|  FUCK YOU..grr         
h just looked like|i am so grateful t|  i   can't  stop 
it was trying to j|hat i  didn't have|  thinking  about 
ump ahead while i |access to  any. it|  you .  you know 
wasn't looking. It|forces me to evalu|  i  didn't  want 
appears that time |ate the nature  of|  to   feel  this 
is one big hoax an|and  my tendencies|  way   but   you 
d is controlled by|toward  addiction.|  worked aslans 
those blue guys fr|so i masturbated a|  magic and  now  
om the twilight zo|nd thought of  him|  the burning man 
ne. I saw it! I sa|and now i'm edgier|  has a meaning:  
w it! It was proof|than ever. help me|     passion     


let's toy with the edge of psychosis, shall we?
BTW, this was all his fault.

12:57

<sound type="Mad Scientist">

Breakthrough! Major breakthrough! Muhahahahaha...

</sound>

Last night I finished my OO course assignment. The idea was to make a menu class and a demo program that uses it. Well, I made one.

The tricky part: The menu class needed to use itself and other subclasses of its superclass (There was one abstract class "Menuable" and its subclasses "Menu" and "MenuItem".) The tricky part in demo program: It needed to construct a tree out of the menu options, but I figured out a simple stack-like algorithm to do that.

I just woke up. In EuroNews, stuff about banning fox hunting. Apparently the protestors had found a furry fox to support their cause (or maybe it was just something... artificial. =)

18:27

Went to the Town, eh. Bought Romeo Must Die on DVD. (Had to! It has Jet Li! Kung Fu! What else you can ask for? =)

::yawn::

Time to node something, perharps?

19:28

Stupid Observation Of The Day: I wonder if the gay gene is homogenous?

::WWWWolf thwaps himself right between the ears. Hard.::

"...some jokes are old, others are born that way..."


Other day logs o' mine...

Noded today by y.t.: spammimic (supplementary)

8:38am

I have to go into work early today. I'm not happy about it. The worst thing is that almost every morning that I'm asked to come in early, they don't have any specific function for me to perform that was dependent on my arriving before my usual time. I came in to work at 7:30 on monday, and I couldn't even do anything until 10:00. That really irritates me.

I sent an email to Sara last night basically just saying that I'm in on what happened and that there are no hard feelings. Apparently nobody (including Sara) knew about this other guy's interest in her, or they probably would not have tried to hook me up (especially in front of him). That's my best guess anyway.

I'm not sure what kind of response I will get back, but I'm sure to check my mail more frequently than usual today.

Time to go to work. Yeah, I know 9:00 is normal for most people, so I shouldn't gripe about going in "early". But dammit, I need more sleep...


5:24pm

I got a response from Sara, and everything is mostly as I was told by my friends. That's cool. I thanked her for writing back and told her if she's ever bored or anything to give me call.

I can now move on.

Hmm. I'm bored.


1:50am

I forgot to mention that today I went to lunch at a Japanese restaurant, which is only significant because I haven't been to one before. My co-workers had all-you-can-eat sushi, while I had beef teriyaki (I'm not into seafood, it seems to always make me sick). I figured out how to use chopsticks fairly quickly. I didn't bother speaking japanese, as the servers seemed to all be american or spanish anyway (this is south Florida) :)

back | days | forth

They spun a Web for me...

So, as I listen to coldplay's haunting lament, I turn to a daylog to commit some thoughts to paper, to take stock of the recent events and perhaps analyse them a little.

I often see God, or perhaps fate in the meshing synchronicity of the events in my life. I know that it is all too easy to see things that aren't there, all too easy to find what you are looking for inside random noise. It's comforting to think that the time you were late for the train meant that you met an old friend; perhaps because it allows you to convince yourself you have taken the correct course of action after all? It's also reassuring; you can rest easy with the, probably false, knowledge that things will be OK after all. I know that I am too superstitious, believing in the generic predictions of horoscopes too easily and not remaining healthily skeptical of palmistry and other "faith" sciences. Why do I want to believe? It's a comfort to my apathy to think that I only have to read some words or consult a psychic to take the best course of action available to me. I feel that in today's cultural climate, it's very difficult to tread along the middle of the path; on one side there are people believing in everything a "guru" will say, and on the other are people who are so skeptical that they never seem to act spiritually, even if it is detrimental to their well-being. I feel that whatever you believe in, it is OK, as long as you believe in something and don't let that belief take over your life.

So I feel synchronicity attracted to me as if I am a nexus or perhaps a star with comets dancing around me. Events have accelerated, whipped around me like a tornado, or perhaps more humbly, like the sugar dissolving as I stir my afternoon tea. My life is changing so quickly now that I think I am operating on a different plane right now, I'm aware of people moving around me that I ignored before. I think of the possibilities the next few months and years may bring. It makes me dizzy to think of my future, even more so than the past few months of my life.

I'm also aware of another person who's life has changed and will change in the future. My future wife has experienced just as much as I have, and I am happy to know that I have a soulmate who is there with me and for me, just as I am for her.

So, things are changing. I decided to accelerate my move to the US earlier this year and put some things in motion to help me to do that. I quit my job last week, although I still have 3 weeks notice to serve. I decided to sell my house on Saturday the 13th, and it only took 4 days to find a buyer. They'll pay almost the asking price, so I am happy. They are also happy to complete the sale by or on the 19th of February, which is exactly the date I wanted. I tell my bank that I will be moving soon, they inform me that they are calling in my debts, and I manage to find someone, a dear friend, to help me postpone those nasty bank people.

So I feel these events have spun around me, almost out of control, yet they are falling into place in a way that is good to me. That makes me happy.

I also managed to really talk to a good friend last night, to exchange, give and take in a way that left us both tired yet happy. This follows truths and exchanges with my heart and soul that has expanded me in a way that is so rare yet so desirable.

That is what it is all about, finding joy in everything. I hope you all can too.

Okay see... here's the thing.

http://www.sptimes.com/News/011801/Hernando/Children_s_book_remov.shtml

You don't like it?! DON'T READ IT. Don't let your kids read it. Good for you, trying to raise a good, moral, christian child. But don't presume you're speaking for everyone.
School Board members decided Tuesday to pull the book from all schools until they can read it and decide whether it should remain available. They are scheduled to decide at a Feb. 6 meeting.
I am absolutely astonished that a school board has actually removed this book from the shelves. I can't believe that someone didn't say "Are you fucking kidding me?" Is this a joke? Why are the school boards even bothering to ponder issues such as this? The American educational system is already a great big giant ball of suck, why don't they focus on improving education rather than entertaining the ABSURD objections of an uptight soccer mom. Someone should spank her.

btw, this book rules. i must have read it a thousand times as a young kid.
later (9:00pm): the man called, i miss him. thank goodness he's coming home saturday. we will wine and dine and make sweet boom boom by the fire. have been painting and tossing the manimal around with cozmo.

became an editor today. if i can help anyone out with anything, feel free to /msg me.
Today, I did nothing important. I read some fifty odd pages of book on US foreign affairs (one of about four I have to read within the next three weeks {I know this may not seem like a lot to you grad students, but I'm a junior in high school}). I was kinda hoping I could get a hundred. Well I got about 2-3 hours till I ought to get to sleep. Might be able to do something within that time.

I made fresh piña coladas today for outrageous prices. Spent about two dollar on two coconuts, about 1.5 dollars on a pineapple, and I guess about 50 cents worth of coconut cream. Made one liter, and from this we infer that my total cost is 4 bucks a liter, and I can get an artificial tasting coconut pineapple juice for about $1.50 a liter. I guess taste really is that important.

Maybe my life really is insignificant or trivial. Well if so, at least it's going well. Stuff Tastes good...I turn seventeen tomorrow (maybe that's why I'm writing this). Who knows; still doesn't seem important. So the earth went around the sun seventeen times. Seems a bit arbitrary doesn't.

Something a bit more significant is that they slowed light down to a standstill.

Maybe someday I will participate in it all.

Okay, so I'm going to cry.

Yay for a new city. Yay for a new school.

But now I have no phone, I have about... ooohhh.. $.70 all in nickels (Well, until the stupid lady sends my deposit back), I have no friends, I sit in my apartment every night and.... wait, excitement, READ. Well, I digress, that's not that bad, because it's a really great book. As for the friends part, I'm sure that maybe I can fix that once I get a phone, but I'm way too shy to just randomly start calling people from a payphone on a corner while I'm freezing my ass off (Not to mention, those nickels will only buy me about 2 phone calls). The other day, I found myself driving the whole 50 miles home for... coffee, quiche, and a hug. I guess it's not that bad. I guess that I will be fine. But I'm lonely, and I'm broke, and I'm stressed out, after... two days of being here!

Please stop me before I go on my rant about my new school's amazingly retarded levels of communication between staff and newly admitted students... There's a whole new writeup. Apparently, they just expected me to have $10,000 sitting magically up my sleeve yesterday, or else.
It sucks. It sucks a lot. But it's not as bad as it could be, and... it'll get better. People don't just move and have tons of friends beating down their door the very next day, do they? Hell, it took me a whole semester at Tampa to feel even remotely comfortable. Give it time... give it time...

But in other matters, seriously you guys, I think there's something evil in my apartment. I couldn't sleep for two hours last night because I thought the shadows on my ceiling were going to eat me... No, I wasn't on acid, and no, I'm not afraid of the dark. Just... at night, alone, this place puts the fear of god in me. I have nightmares, I see things; hell, my bathroom door just opened by itself the other day while I was washing my face. Maybe I'm freaking out... but shit, that place really does scare me...

Hip hip freaking hooray


Today was once again one of those boring just before exams days. No work. No motivation. Just stupid busy-work to keep us from thinking independantly. It's really wearing me down... it's as if they are trying to break my spirit. TS, Bayside Secondary School, you can't break my spirit, as I have no soul...

Why is President Clinton giving his "leaving office" speech tonight? The tradition is for the leaving president to bow out gracefully and let the incomming president-elect become the president. Eisenhower did it for Kennedy, Johnson for Nixon, Nixon for Ford, Carter for Reagan, and Bush Sr. for Clinton*. George Bush, Sr. did it for Clinton. But President Clinton asked the networks for, and got, 7 minutes during inauguration week to give his speech. It's just rude.

*I left out some presidents to emphasize that previous presidents afforded incomming president-elects of the opposite party the respect to give their speech before inauguration week.

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