Even though we went to bed earlier than we normally do we overslept this morning. Normally I'm up much earlier, but for whatever reason I slept until almost 8:30. I thought about letting Jill sleep and not waking her up, but then I went into her room to ask if she was going in to work today. Last night the girls and I went to buy groceries after church. I started cleaning up the kitchen this morning. I mowed the lawn after I dropped off Jill. Later today I'm going to drop off my job application and call the IRS, this tax stuff has been hanging over my head long enough, I want some resolution on the issues I'm facing. We need a better system in the laundry area. People pile clothes from the dryer on top of it and the table next to it, I've tried numerous things, but they all depend on folding the clothes right away.
Yesterday I made the squashes and roasted the sweet potatoes. I'm going to buy more salad ingredients and have the girls help me put more salads in jars. I need to find a better place to put my puzzle. Tying up the dining room table for extended periods of time isn't going well. It's amazing how much better I feel when things are neat and orderly. I've been writing a lot about couples who are breaking apart and getting together. One of my characters is a retired surgeon who realizes he can't get back the time he didn't spend with his children when they were younger. He's experiencing a lot of guilt and anguish, he's reliving the past, but he isn't going to stay there and dwell on it. I was crying when I wrote it, writing can be such a painful form of self discovery, but I know my life would be much poorer without it.
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Yesterday I talked to my aunt. I told her I was taking a social media break, we talked about the guy I liked. She said she wanted me to have him in my life without needing him. This resonated, I have a tendency to turn to him when I can be doing more for and by myself. He fills affection and intimacy needs for me. When I asked if he wanted to be included in the social media break he said the next ten days were going to be very busy for him. At first I was crushed and kind of angry. Then I took a step back and realized he was just being honest. I needed some perspective and I got it which is a very good thing. I can't force a relationship or closeness that he doesn't want on him.
I didn't think I'd hear from him until he got back from Asia, but he sent me a message about going to the dermatologist. The thing about him is there are so many avenues to explore. I could have responded in numerous ways, he made a comment about me feeling safe around him. He used an exclamation point, language is really amazing when you think about what you can divine from mere puncutation and characters. He had kept his side of the conversation light, I sent him a two pronged message about swimming and getting swept away by the current despite knowing how. It was a round about way to say something without spelling it out. He appreciated the comment and sent back another one. Then I got sad and sent him a Barbara Streisand song.
When I worry, it almost never has anything to do with him. He's very even keeled. He treats me well when we're together. He is busy and I can't always be his highest priority. After the Streisand song which really conveyed how I feel about him I sent him another message. Going to church and the store helped get my mind off of him. I sent him a string of messages including one wishing him well on his trip. I always want what's best for him so that was very easy and I think my intent came through because when I woke up I had two messages from him. I said I was taking a social media break and I will. He did something he hasn't ever done before in a message. I don't need to know where it's going. He came through on the date, he knows what I want, it's up to him to decide what the next move is going to be.