Dream Log: May 21, 2000 (idea)

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• Lucid dream. With a sweet man who dragged me into a sporting-goods store. But I don't want one of those things, I tried to tell him. He insisted and I gave in; he meant it so much. He bought me a tall black thingy that looked a bit like a lacrosse stick but was for waving at sports events. I had my doubts about that, and when was I going to be at a sports event that wasn't little league? But it made him happy to buy it, so I let him, because I loved him.

  On the way out of the store I saw four nickels on the ground and picked them up. What are the odds someone would drop four nickels and they would land like that? Were they left there for us? I was going to keep two and give two to him, and ask him to keep them as a remembrance of a good omen, but I had a creepy feeling. We went outside and the ground was covered with coins, gleaming. Was it a good omen? Neither of us knew. We sat on the ground and picked up handfuls of coins, not to keep them, but to hear them clink as they fell. There were no other sounds. The only ones we kept were the first four nickels.

• Someone went to Boston to learn the secrets of Boston cream pie, so he could teach them to me.
• At an office I used to work at, except I never had, but the place and the people were all familiar. I was starting work there again and had to fill out a timesheet. Every time I got to the bottom I saw it had already been used by someone else and had to find a new one and start over. The drawers were all disorganized and I was getting pretty frustrated. None of this was made easier by Jason sitting at the end of the conference table.
• Back to the coins again, but this time I was alone, and naked, and I knew I was dreaming. I knew I had to be careful with my consciousness so as not to break the balance. I picked up a handful of cool quarters and dropped them, listening. I was afraid to close my eyes; it seemed like acknowledging sleep. I dug my fingers into warm dry dirt and felt the healthy grass sprouting up and ran my hand down my side and knew I was breathing well.
• On the phone with Pete, he was telling me about last weekend's party where everyone went through all the closets and drawers, taking the things they liked. He kept using the word "comp" as if he'd just learned it, but it was all wong, "and then they comped themselves to some weed, and they kept comping her clothes and stuff" - I couldn't tell if he was kidding. That's why I avoid human beings, I said.

  Pigs in a drawer. Stuffed pigs, plastic pigs. Most of them were Piglet. Still on the phone. Pete was quiet as if waiting for something; he knew I'd laugh when I found it, and I did - it was a tiny pig stuffed inside a plastic cricket, so it was a bulging green insect with a fat snouty face and piggy toes and tail.

  I put the phone down to go after a huge spider but when I squashed it, it was the cat. My cat, but black. I went back to the phone.

  Guess what happened?
  "Um - you went to squash a bug, and it turned into your cat?"
  Yes!
  "And . . . it burned blue with silver lightning streaks?"
  Yes!
  "And then it came back to life?"
  Yes!
  "Ok - that's all I've got, what else?"
  It bit me.
  "Ah."
  But its jaw hadn't fully re-formed yet, so it couldn't bite me too hard.
  "Makes sense. Gotcha."

• I waited in the car for Pete and when I saw him coming, drove up to the corner so wouldn't have to cross traffic. Was he older or had he just shaved? He hadn't seen the car, so I was appearing at his side like magic. We made each other laugh within seconds. I drove a little too fast through the crowd and slowed down when I almost hit J.T.
• Walking through the woods with Dr. Brightman, sort of, except he was in overalls and he was kind. Pete and the other woman had gone on ahead. Cool and quiet. I was worried about something, and asked Brightman what he thought. He smiled and picked up a piece of paper which I realized was the first page of a letter from Bizz I got yesterday. "You have so many things to offer. Think of the permanence posible in a human being. Your life is longer than you think." We walked on and he told me that once he reached a state of calmness about himself, suddenly women wanted to be around him all the time. "It was worse than trying to get rid of Linda." I burst out laughing and saw Pete, far up ahead, turn around smiling to see what had happened.