Today was
disappointing. Another
up and down sorta deal, with one major
bummer to balance out the several smaller bright spots. I’m glad to be out of my
distorted thoughts mode. It’s not about
all or nothing these days. That was
so three years ago.
Woke up, was tired. How often does this happen? It’s quite common. Promise. Got to school without a problem. First hour was nice, I worked on a copper wire sculpture to add to my portfolio eventually. It’s coming along nicely, although stripping the plastic off the wire is an ass pain.
Dissected a pigeon in second hour. We were trying to cut through the pectoral region, and found that our bird was a frickin’ hoss. He had a bigger breast than me. The sternum forced a detour, so we ended up getting to its digestive track by other means. Eventually everyone started to get lightheaded, but then Mr. Myers said it was okay to dilute the preservatives the birds had been sleeping in for quite some time. One girl was close to swooning. Wimp.
A.P. Stats was a bore, and I almost fell asleep for the first time in quite a while. No more Teresa Amibile films to watch day in and day out. Now we’re learning the nasty and boring stuff. Fifth hour was slow as well.
Lunch was the highlight of my day. I went to McDonalds with Stacy, and we spent an hour talking about all sorts of things. When I’m in my usual group of friends, we spend most of our time together joking around and being stupid. But when we get one on one, things are different. Guess that’s why we've all been friends since middle school. One of the main topics of our discussion was how certain phrases and subjects can trigger specific and uncontrollable feelings.
Stacy was saying that she couldn’t think of anything that anyone could say that would ever set her off. She’s an extremely laid back person.
I said there was only one thing that upset me these days, but was reluctant to talk about it in a public restaurant. But we were in an isolated section of the place, and I eventually opened up. The story:
…Once during my sophomore year, a girl I didn’t know whatsoever casually and cruelly said to me “Did you try to kill yourself?” She had seen the fresh scars on my arms, which I had just uncovered when taking off one of my ever-present sweatshirts. There were people everywhere, listening, waiting for my answer.
What was I supposed to say?
“No, I just like to cut myself. You should try it.” Needless to say, although I have been
safe for almost a year now, that subject still sets me off.
Suicide and
self-injury are not things to
make fun of. At least not where I can hear you. Just a warning.
The following class balanced the higher points of my day. I challenged the girl ahead of me in band, and completely left her behind in my playing test. It was obvious to both of us who had won. But then the judge said I had made two articulation errors, and thus the other girl won by default. I pointed out that she had played several wrong notes and even had to start over once, but he said it was too close to call. Right. Tears came to my eyes in frustration, but you can’t beat The Man.
Seventh hour was interesting. Mr. Knoll likes to make up incredible stories and fictional pieces on the spot, and I enjoy listening. Unfortunately, I was called down to the guidance office to pick up a scholarship form to fill out tonight. I made it back in time to hear the conclusion. Something about JoJo Jr. being a pathological liar and inviting his girlfriend, Char, to Thanksgiving dinner after meeting someone in a muffler shop.
Had an A.P. Psych study session after school. It lasted an hour or so. I was taking notes for three people, being the kind soul I am. Got home around quarter to four in the afternoon, with enough time to check my e-mail and head off to the Asian grocery store across from Walgreens to meet Norman. Lisa let us use the copy machine there, so Norm could get my notes. We hung out for a bit, and then I had to get to work.
I closed while mopping to the sounds of Got the Life. Had to tie my braid around my head to keep my hair from getting in the mop water. Isn’t that a nice thought.
Now I just want to talk to Aaron and get some sleep.