Reading about drugs
LSD
and that people re-experience the terrible trauma of birth
but wait: terrible trauma...
I had the grace and delight and sometimes terror
of catching babies, new and slippery and surprised
for nineteen years
they do not arrive traumatized
an older obstetrician
always gentle
when I would ask for help
deep calm and sometimes
he would wait for the newborn
and not rush us to the operating room
and if the child emerged
he would say "girl ears"
or "boy ears"
he always guessed
frequently wrong
his small tickle of humor
and the mother too busy at that moment
to notice at all
except that his voice was calm
I think of the one forming
in the womb
the sounds of mother's heart and guts
dark and sounds
of father brother sister other
the first time I see
the new baby in clinic
I imitate the sound of the doppler
swish swish swish
and the newborn alerts, and knows my voice too
I think of the one forming
in the womb
and my daughter
who tried to come early
confining me to bed for three months
and adrenaline-like terbutaline
continuously
my hands tremble
my heart rate at one hundred
I knit to channel the figdets
six sweaters
and my daughter is worth it
I think of the one forming
in the womb
out of room
the space is too tight
can no longer stretch or kick
head down
ready
I think of the one forming
in the womb
saying now
I need more room
now and the cascade starts
we don't know what starts labor
the baby or the mother
or both
now
I need more room
and the infant pushes towards the door
towards more room
and I have had
the grace and delight and sometimes terror
of catching them
slick and messy and bloody
as they emerge
into the light
open their eyes
and breathe
startled
at light and room and air