The clock goes forward an hour. It's 3:14 on April 07, 2002. I shouldn't be awake. But I am. So I ramble of fear and destruction:
Still night, everything around me dark even though the light is on, reflecting off of the plastic that covers the windows. We put it on to keep some of the cold out; fuel is high priced and we're poor. So we put the plastic on and the light now reflects off of it, accenting the dark, making me feel alone.
I'm alone even though I'm here, safe, two others just a hundred feet or so away, only a hundred feet or so, but asleep. Two cats, one dog. A mother, a sister. All asleep. And I am awake, the lights blazing. Alone, and it is all dark.
The heater is on, but I am cold. Cold and alone in the brightness of the dark night. My fingers are stiff and it is hard to write, I never type, I write in my mind and my fingers automatically move to make the letters appear. But it's always writing. I'm writing in the bright darkness of the lonely cold, only a little ways away from them.
You're always cold, Kitten. Cold inside and out, you've no right to speak of cold. Cold is what everybody feels when you touch them. You create the cold, the ice and the dark. You cause the loneliness and are blind to the light because you choose to be. Bear their burdens and you will be cold and in the dark; alone, forever.
No one ever said life was fair. I did all I could for them. The human mind struggles to comprehend itself and in the end it will die from the inability to understand what it is. You cannot stop them, you can simply guide them and hope they will grow in the right direction. People are people, sheep, lost in the cold darkness of their brilliant technology, seperated by a world of connections. Life is contradictory, learn to live with it. We create beyond ourselves and can no longer control it. Our intelligence surpasses our understanding and it will be the death of us.
You can't give up now, you always said you would fight to help them.
I know, and I will. I simply hope that I'm strong enough to last as long as I'm needed.
Later: I went to sleep and woke up perhaps twelve hours later to the
phone ringing and my sister slamming around our cramped quarters trying to find the phone. Half an hour later we were on our way to a
hockey game: the
NC Hurricanes vs. the
Atlanta Thrashers. It was a tie game, 1/1, I forget the amount of penalties but I believe that the Hurricanes had more. Now I'm home, and tired. More
sleep is in order.