I wish that I was a better person, who sneered less. If you read my day log for yesterday you'd know that things have been difficult. I've survived thanks to my friends. Well, one of my best friends is coming to visit me at uni in a couple of weeks. I've treated him really badly. He changed a lot when he started at university a year ago. I was on my gap year and found it very easy to sneer and deride him for being fickle and shallow.Now I'm the one changing.Somehow it seemed easy to convince myself that he was the lesser man. I forgot all the times he'd persuade me to have a night out when I was feeling sorry for myself, and would have wallowed at home. The times he did, and still does, talk to me as if I was some genius in waiting - with a sense of pride that we are friends.On our last day at school together he wrote that he hoped life would bring me 'all the success and happiness that I so richly deserved'. I couldn't be so expressive. He was my first friend to overcome the sense of awkwardness and write 'love' in a card, even though I was a boy! When home was always still, but with a quiet wail I always knew I could stay at his for the night. His family became my family. I missed my retreat last year when it wasn't there.But I haven't been grateful. I haven't even be a true friend. We thought we'd be friends for ever. I'm the one who needs to work hard.