I have been feeling better lately. There are a number of reasons for this:
1. I have recently found my affinity for math again. We have started to review for the AP test in my calculus class so I see it as a way to start over. I understand everything and I feel great about it. Math is enjoyable now, it wasn't for the longest time, and since I plan to major in math and spend the rest of my life doing it, this could have created a problem. But everything is fine in that respect.
2. I found some new friends. Since I have to get a ride to school now, I have had the opportunity to spend more time with these people. An old good friend of mine, and the only ex that I haven't ended on bad terms with (not Jesse). So I wouldn't really call them new friends, but re-discovered friends. Which are the best kind. And a new friend who I do math with every day after school, which re-inforces my liking for math because it has good connotations now.
3. I get a car. I just found out yesterday that my old car has to be totaled, which sucks because I did have a lot of good memories in the Taurus. But now I get to look for a new car, which is always good. I'm trying to convince my parents to get me a nice one but I don't think they'll go for it.
4. Jesse kinda disgusts me now. And I'm only writing on here about him because I no longer care if he gets mad at me for doing it. I'm not exploiting anything about him or us, other than my new-found distaste for him. The lack of emotion and committment he now has appals me. I don't need him anymore. Which is good because he never needed me. Because I have changed my feelings about him so quickly in such a short amount of time, my feelings for him were probably never real anyway. Now I can finally move on, for the first time, for good. After the longest time I'm finally free of this hinderance.
5. I hear from UC Berkeley in a week. I hope I get in!
Well that's pretty much it. I do the same thing every day now, I go to school, go over to Marc's(the good ex) house and do math for hours, and then go home. It might be mundane, but at least I'm not miserable. For the first time in a while I don't feel alone.