I don't know why I am always
fighting myself. There's forever conflict in my mind and it gets so tiresome. This way, that way, all of which way. I used to feel like I was being
pulled in every direction and the way I've handled it is by staying in the middle. But that just doesn't work at times.
I'm
lonely. Just like everybody else, I'm terribly lonely. I realize that this is probably a feeling that will occupy (and has occupied) much of
my life and it often makes me wonder why it is we're always in need of finding somebody to be close to. But it doesn't help. I fight myself and proclaim that I enjoy being
alone, which I do, but that doesn't make the desire any less.
People suck and I cannot stand them, but I still reach out trying to grasp their hands. Sure, I may walk alone, but I still search the faces I pass for an expression that may resemble mine. It's
exasperating that I should feel lonely. And it's not just having a boyfriend. I could get a boyfriend without much of a problem. But hey, quality over quantity. I just can't stand most people for long
periods of time.
I'm really glad it's the weekend. I didn't plan anything other than the necessary things to do because I've been
wanting to veg out for a while now. I did have a test this morning but I got more sleep last night than I have all week and I felt much better about that, although
I can feel the heaviness behind my eyes already. I shouldn't be so tired all the time,
lots of people survive with less sleep than I. Ah well. I haven't added any good write ups lately and I feel a bit bad about that, but I've simply been way too busy or tired. Someone has perpetually been
downvoting me which I normally wouldn't take much notice to anymore, but I got my
daylog downvoted and a factual node about a
constellation. That boggles me. I don't know if somebody hates me or if it's just total randomness. Pfft.
Mmm. Dinner time.