The effects of coffee and jazz on my tortured, chemistry-jarbled brain, late this night and early this morning:
the notes, they spin and spin
I can see their race in my brain
my mind spins and spins
I sit still
overstimulated
unable to point my laser beam at the bull's eye
as though every cell inside vibrates
every molecule of gas jerks so violently
at speeds that blur as I try to understand
let your fingers glide and dance byrd
they disturb the calm
and incite the revolution
yet it can never occur
because the fractals never stop spinning long enough to
move in any direction
and I never stop whirling
the rhythm of my pulse is frantic and unsure
while I live in a fog made of thousands of bright madly twinkling lights
ubiquitous complexity damns all journeys toward simplicity
and I dance in the infinite strings
all of it madly flowing and girating and spinning
and spinning
that which calms this heart and slows this beat
numbs this mind
and I yearn for more dizziness
let the chaos ensue and the entropy buzz through
the depths of the dark night
let the rattle rattle
let us homogenize and dehomogenize
all of it uneven for tiny fractions of time
and equilibriated all at once by blind assumption.
yet the sum never balances to me
and the screams from below and above and within will always be wild and unnamed
we tilt as we move
toward the untamed center
and away from it
disrupt the peace and invite the madness
it lives
and it hides
it fades in and out
but it is always waiting to be stirred
as I wait to be awoken.