My
mind is a confusing place, it seems to run a complete course of its own, only bothering me for
inspiration and
energy.
I began this day officially at 3:00pm after sleeping off a rousing night of clubbing at a small underground gathering of a group of avid adventjah ravers. The tunes were amateur, the company was decent, but somehow I left feeling satisfied. Unknowingst to me that my fellow companion felt the opposite.
Waking up I felt a strong flush of overwhelming sadness. Sadly, I attended a funeral last week for the mother of a very close friend of mine. She was an incredible woman and I will miss her. But, the sad thoughts I felt were of a far bigger case then the event of death.
Generally, I keep my anger and sadness within myself. Letting out these "socially unhealthy" emotions on other people just doesn't seem right. No one else should have to endure my crap, when they obviously have their own to deal with. So, everyday I open my wound temporarily to absorb more and more of life's punishment, eventually awaiting the moment I can rip open to pour out to a welcome shrink and/or life partner. But, unfortunately, your mental state doesn't wait for a welcome and secure area to release its waste like a certain physical part of your body.
One could call it a mental version of wetting yourself.
During the wake of the funeral, my mind decided that it had enough emotion plugging up its sensitive psyche and proceded to pour it out slowly and widely, like one would do in a bathroom of a pub. So, since Friday, I have been waking up with both an incredible hostile intent towards my fellow man, and, at random points of the day, feeling completely depressed for no apparent reason. Its like an weird and unbalanced case of hormonal mood swings that operate on their own strange regime which I have no control or influence towards.
I hate being depressed too. It really emits a strong feeling of unfriendliness towards everyone, which is quite annoying since I try to be a social and outgoing person. But, as they say time heals all wounds.
Not a very productive day, but the end to a enjoyable weekend nethertheless.