Nightmares are stuff we cook up in the maelstrom of poisonous thoughts, but the worst are the ones that have no apparent links to reality. Still they have a hold over adult rationale that is somehow shocking.
Last night I met Evil and she was a woman.
I should have learned to keep my mouth shut for she did terrible things to me every time I tried to protest. Locking me up and kicking me in the ribs do not count, her feet did not leave bruises. I could not find evidence of that when I woke up, but she left fear, nice fat chunks of fear scattered all over my bed.
I came up with the theory that Evil needed stale air to perpetuate herself and I snuck into a side room to pry open more windows. When I came back in I walked smack into her. Oh, I yelped. That was scary. This was too much, nevermind that I was serious. I was being glib and sassy and got tied to the wall.
Here is when I cried out, and the baby in my room stirred and cried out, and I jolted back to reality for a few moments. Somehow I sank again, though.
When it was my turn to die (because I had vexed Evil to the full extent), the fat lady on our side with us took off her beaded necklaces and proffered as many as Evil wanted in exchange for my lesser punishment. The Blabmouth is wrong, they all said, But she is still a child, here, take this, take that. Leave it be.
Evil took all the necklaces, (leathery skin crinkling) and unrolled the rugs. CHOOSE TWO she told me. Out rolled two little red-head children, pale skin and long straight hair. RUN, I said. RUN, we all said. We wanted them to get away safe. I would take whatever punishment I had coming. I deserved it all.
They ran into a closet and Evil followed and when we held that door shut they swelled and swelled and became one and exploded out onto us.
Last night I met Fear and she was a child, me, cowering against a frail and bony mother, strange face but protection. Mother, I said Keep me warm. Please. We were lying on a thin mattress and somehow the rattle of a weak woman's skeleton kept me shivering and safer. This is when Evil stood over us and I curled up with my eyes squeezed shut and mouth covered with shaking hands and she poured acid or something burning all over my neck, as we lay cowering.
I woke myself up at this point, yelping aloud. And I sat in the 4 a.m. light, afraid to shut my eyes. Twenty-one, and scared to sleep because of the thoughts my subconscious cooked up. Dawn came near six.