Today was the day I read
Al Gore called the situation in
Florida "
Kafkaesque" - and despite the fact I think Gore has been acting like a
dork, I would much prefer having a
President who knows who
Kafka is.
Dubya most likely thinks
Franz Kafka is the
dictator of some obscure
Balkan country we need to
bomb.
Today in
Tampa the air is still
wet but there's a nice
breeze and even though it's a bit warm I've opened all the
windows in the house.
I've been on
pager duty this weekend with all the attendant
anxiety. The
sick feeling in the stomach knowing this thing can go off at any moment and
suck my
Sunday away with it.
These are the times I feel furthest away from
God. My
consciousness gets filled up with
worry about
useless things and I end up feeling
trapped and
hating myself. Of course I couldn't go to
mass this morning because of the pager.
Even worse, I'm
smoking again - and when my
wife and daughters leave the house I go out to the shed like a silly
adolescent. I must look like the
piano player in
Reefer Madness when he shut himself in the closet for a
fix.