Whatever happened to leaps of faith?
I've been talking to a lot of people about dating. It seems that every generation is set different challenges. The young (and I'm talking university-age students here) are unsettled, away from the familiar and thrust into new life challenges. Many of them feel unlike taking risks, it seems. For those of my generation (I'm 67, FFS) it's different. For me, all the women I meet in my acceptable dating range are all either married, gay or mad (in one case, all three). The older people get it seems, the more unsettling dating is because they seek the familiar, they want stability and are equally afraid of new life challenges. No-one seems willing to take the risk of a relationship without a protracted courtship.
I'm not talking about hooking up for sex. Not "friends with benefits". I'm talking about a long-term relationship. When I met Christine, and especially after her cancer diagnosis, I quickly made the leap of faith. Three days after it became clear this was Serious Stuff, I flew over with the intention of marrying her and settling down, helping her to raise her daughter. This leap of faith was based on my love for her, and hers for me. It was based on our mutual trust and her daughter's trust. Two months later, we married, and whilst we didn't quite make our seventh wedding anniversary, we did have over seven years of joyful, loving relationship even amidst the worry and trauma of cancer treatments.
No-one, it seems, is willing to make that leap of faith any more. Unless I'm missing some serious cues. Yesterday I was talking to a young woman (well, late 30s!) who's finding exactly the same problem I'm facing. Men, she says, are saying one thing and doing another. What is happening? In a way I miss the 70s. Meet someone, get a phone number, dinner-and-a-movie or fuck. Sometimes skip the phone number. Things happened, we took chances. Life is short, carpe diem and all that.
I have what mature women say they want, but I don't have the physical trappings they say are not important to them. It's dishonest. As a result I've occasionally wound up in bed with women in their mid-20s into 30s and it's not what I most want. I can get sex and snuggles, but I want to dance in the kitchen and read a good book with them too.
I'm willing to take the rose by the thorns and have a sense of humour about it. At the farmers' market I even put up a sign reading
SINGLES NEEDED
ALSO DOLLAR BILLS ☺
A photo can be found on Imgur. I'm not actually fishing for phone numbers (but I have gotten a lot of laughs, a few questions and a couple of phone numbers), it's really there for laughs. But the serious side remains. Living in a university town is tough for me. The young are, well, too young. The "rule of dating" says the acceptable range for me is half my age plus seven years. That means a lower bound of 41, and the women of that age are just not available or suitable because (to reiterate) they're all married, gay or mad. Or they're hidden in places I can't find them.
Light a candle for me, please!
I seem to be writing more daylogs lately. Thank goodness Iron Noder month is approaching. I've signed up.
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