So the news finally got back to me. The ex is seeing someone new. Well, I don't know if they're seeing one another, but I know enough. This is one of those things I wish I could unlearn.
My initial reaction was pure shock. I don't know why. I thought I had already resigned to this fact. I cringed. I shivered. Why him? I remember the ex, who had had relations with this person just before meeting me, complaining of his personal hygiene and various other things. I felt physically sick picturing them embrace, his sweaty, meaty face pressed against hers.
I had just seen her tonight, too. I went to a party, and I only half-figured she'd show up there. In a way, I wanted her to, because I felt like I could just shoot the breeze with her. Another part of me feared it because I can't help but see that she's rapidly turning into someone I don't know. Just when it seemed like she wouldn't be, she did. When I saw her, I froze up and choked out a meek, "Hello". I instantly felt like I had blown it.
Now, after learning this, I don't even want to see her face. All I'll be able to do is picture them together, saying and doing things to one another that only we used to do.
It also kills me how fast she moved on. Just shy of two and a half years we dated. And now, two days away from what would've been officially two and half years, I learn this. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt, but I know this will be the last time I feel this stabbing in my ribs. Because now I have the proof to extinguish the last hope of getting back what went away.
It's really crazy to see now how a part of me still thought we would just end up back together. It really freaks me out how well one can lie to themself.
To quote Trent Reznor:
"Nothing can stop me now cuz I don't care anymore."