As residents of
Colorado Springs are aware
(and as was brought to more public attention by
Ira Glass
of
NPR fame), the New Life Church has instituted a "tactical
prayer assault" in Colorado Springs. No, this isn't a joke. This has been
going on since the 1980's. Somewhere, in a shining holy
war room the
devotees
of the New Life Church have a huge map of the city, carefully divided into
sectors. To each sector is assigned church member(s) who systematically
pray in front of every building in their sector on a regular basis.
Effectively, the whole town is under a constant prayer assault more insidious
than a World War I
blitzkrieg.
This appears mostly harmless at first glance.
Occassionally my Akita spazzes if someone spends
too long in front of the house. As my roommate pointed out, however, that if
prayer really causes change, this
might explain why it's almost impossible to find good drugs, good sex, or just
generally a good time within the city limits of Colorado Springs.
I'm afraid now, very afraid.
I just bought a house on the outskirts of
town where most of the suburban sprawl is taking place,
and I wonder how much longer it will be before their war map
expands to include my neighborhood, and how I can expect to fight back.
Legally, what recourse do you have if every so often someone walks down your
sidewalk
and spends a few minutes in front of your home with his eyes closed? I guess
what I really need is someone dressed up like a Choco Taco to
run out and wield a Turkey Curse against the
perpetrator of the
karmic invasion.