As anyone with a penchant for the game of cricket will tell you, the cricket ball is a canny little cunt. Though it has the shape, size and colour of a contented apple, don’t be fooled into thinking it’s good for you. There’s no telling what evil it delivers, if you are the batsman; there’s no limit to the mischief it can wreak, if you are the bowler. It can be whacked, it can be spun, it can be ducked, it can be square-cut, it can be pulled, it can be hooked, it can be reverse-swung, it can be swept, it can be driven, it can be flicked, but most probably, it can be the cause of much anguish.
Balls to ‘the woman scorned’; the cricket ball is the baddest daddy in Hell.
There are all kinds of balls out there, footballs, baseballs, tennis balls, ping-pong balls, etc. Look on these as lower life forms. It is the cricket ball that is the Master Being amongst the spheres in sport, the pinnacle of their evolution. To know why, let’s begin by comparing its potency with that of its close cousin, the baseball. Yes, the baseball does perform a few tricks; it curves, swings, dips and flutters about a bit. But understand this well: the baseball is merely a creature of flight. Its guile begins from the time it leaves the fingers of the pitcher, finds expression as it flies through the air and ends when it flies within hitting distance of the batter. Its guile is merely an aerial phenomenon. The batter has to contend with the baseball only as it flies towards him. Once the batter’s eye spots the flight-line of the baseball and reckons its speed, the ball, as a conundrum and a challenge, ceases to exist. It is his slave now, asking to be punished like it deserves to be. The cricket ball, on the other hand, bounces. After it leaves the bowler’s fingers and before it reaches the batsman, it is made to bounce. That bounce adds an entirely new dimension to its cunning. The batsman now has to tackle not only the direction, dip and speed of the ball before it bounces but also has to counter what the bounce adds to the ball. The variables of deceit thus expand exponentially.
- The exact spot where the ball bounces determines the posture the batsman needs to be in to hit the ball. A ball pitched right up to him has him bending forward to play a shot while a ball pitched short makes the batsman stand erect, playing the ball around his waist or chest. He has of course just a second or so to spot the length of the ball and react adequately.
- A cricket ball is seamed and a skilled bowler can make the ball bounce on the prominent seam and achieve lateral deviation after bounce.
- Probably the darkest art the cricket ball possesses is its ability to spin and change direction upon bouncing. A spin-bowler sends the ball fizzing and snorting through the air and depending on the magic he intends, the ball turns from or into the batsman after bouncing.
- The cricket-pitch or the specially prepared, 22-yard long strip of soil on which this drama unfolds also plays its own role. A grassy pitch makes the ball zip through faster. A hard, firm pitch makes the ball spring up post-bounce. A dry, crumbling pitch gives purchase to the ball and adds degrees to its spin.
Let us now look at how a cricket ball measures up, skullduggery-wise, against those used in tennis, golf, basketball and soccer. Firstly, an obvious fact needs to be highlighted: There can be no comparison between these sports and their respective sporting skills. Cricket, tennis, golf, basketball and soccer are entirely and profoundly different sports, each calling for unique talents, temperaments and physical abilities. That being said, a cricket batsman faces a challenge that’s unique amongst ball-based games. Cricket is the only sport where the passage of time changes the nature of the ball itself. A tennis player, a golfer, a basketball player or a soccer player needn’t bother about the tennis-ball, the golf-ball, the basketball or the football inexorably changing character during the duration of play, simply because their balls are replaced by other identical balls whenever needed. In cricket, however, a single ball does duty for hours on end, thudding variously and continuously against wood and soil. The resultant wearing down of the ball is a key factor in a game’s outcome. It is this ability to change, to exhibit flux, to deny assurance that makes the cricket ball the King Cobra of sport. The fluid status of this venomous beast determines a batsman’s technique and his misery from the lack of it. For example, a batsman skilled at negotiating the fast, shiny, new cricket ball may flounder once the ball gets scruffy and becomes a weapon wielded by a slower spin-bowler. Foxed by the mutation, it’s not rare for a batsman to attribute rather infernal qualities to the cricket ball.
Reassuringly vile things a cricket ball can do:
Variable swing and seam movement: Like an ambitious Hollywood actor, the cricket ball swings both ways. It can swing away from the batsman before it bounces or it can swing into him. Good bowlers can even conjure up a phenomenon called ‘reverse swing’ by which a ball swings the opposite way than expected. They can precisely bowl the ball such that it bounces on the seam, thus adding a wicked movement away or towards the batsman.
The six deadly spins: Spin is imparted to a cricket ball by the use of finger-grip or through a rotating wrist motion while bowling. With allowance for approximation, there are six different types of spin – Off-spin, Leg-spin, the Arm Ball, the Googly, the Doosra and the Chinaman. Each, cleverly delivered, has the potential to strip a batsman bare and deliver firm blows with a foot onto his buttocks.
Potentially fatal, don’t try this at home: A cricket ball is a leather-bound, solid sphere weighing around five ounces and traveling at speeds of over 100 miles an hour. This is to say, a blow from a cricket ball can be and has been fatal. Consequently, the modern-day batsman looks like an ice-hockey goalkeeper, though with infinite more grace and less troll-ness. As protection from injury, a batsman wears a sturdy helmet with a face-visor, padded gloves, a forearm-guard, a chest-guard, an abdomen-guard, large pads for the shins and knees and a thigh-guard. Yet, batsmen still occasionally get helped off, bruised and bleeding, ‘retired hurt’ from the match.
One fine morning in the not-so-distant future, you may feel vain, invincible and an urgent need to dazzle all around with your manhood. The cure is simple – have a good bowler hurl a cricket ball at you. Humility is assured.