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I am with my shady friend. We have agreed to marry, though it is not romantic and he doesn't love me. It's a marriage of convenience, a scam.

I am with my mother, later. She hands me a gold ring. "You might as well have this. I don't need it." It is not her wedding ring, it belonged to some ancestor.

I am sitting with my father. He looks anxious, as if he knows I am not marrying for love. He gives me a ring, carved out of a pale green stone. Opaque and the stone left rough, deliberately. "Here," he says.

"I don't think we are exchanging rings," I say, but I slide it on my finger. It is loose on me. I think of calling my shade: "Are we exchanging rings?" but I decide not to. I don't want to give him a ring because I know he won't be faithful. The marriage is a farce and a sham.

I wake up.

On signs of loss

This seems the best moment for (yet another) new beginning.

  • I just lost two and a half years of my blog. I won't go into technical details, but my latest available backup is when I moved from Blogger/Blogspot into a self-hosted Wordpress blog at letras.andycyca.me. That was in mid 2014. I can recover some posts via mirrors (mostly Medium, a few submissions to other blogs and zines) but some things are completely lost.
  • Prospects for a new job are at their lowest since November. Grad school is an option, but I'm rushing to get all my papers in order so I can apply for a scholarship. I moved in with my mother so I can focus on getting on my feet and up again in a few months at most. It sucks having to resort to this, but I'm infinitely grateful for her insistence and endless love.
  • I've been toying with the idea of making a podcast and/or a small newsletter of some kind, I'm just struggling to find an interesting theme/format/concept to give it some sort of shape and give it a go. Does e2 have any ideas? I'm also looking for occasional contributors/cohosts/co-whatever. I just feel like I need to do something during these relative down times.
  • En-Es translation of this week: List of works designed with the golden ratio

I don't really know why I came here. e2 has a high standard for writing and I'm here just explaining myself and why I still haven't returned. I don't know how or when, but I will. In the meantime, I wanted to say that I miss you all, your inane and intelligent conversations, your magnificent and puzzling nodes, and your fireballs. Thanks you for giving me a (virtual) stable home, e2.

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