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I am not sad, I am just trying not to think about it. No, I'm not mad, maybe I am just tired and I'm not upset with you, no, how would any of this be your fault? How can you be anything else than what you are? You never pretended, never said and never needed to be, I never misunderstood and never thought otherwise. I'm not upset with everyone else, either, how can they have had any and all this effect on a life?

I'm mad at me, mostly, mad and tired and sick to death of the things I keep coming back to. I'm sick of my weaknesses and strengths and shyness and brashness and everything. I want a break.

Damn you. Damn everyone for helping me escape and damn you all for bringing me back and damn everything for being just what it should be, home home home to the weary and rest for the wicked and all that jazz.

Damn damn damn.

None of you were supposed to mean more than nothing to me.
None of you.

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