The term "dank" has a long history in modern lingo, but I have no awareness of this whatsoever other than what could best be described as an "inkling." I don't know if you know what an "inkling" is but you need to if you are going to write on the Internet. It is important to know and to have working knowledge of many words. Otherwise you will fail at noding. There is no other option.

Perhaps no term has been used more often (other than "asshole" which is just insulting) to refer to your friend Behr (who is me). People around my old Baltimore neighborhood would say, "That friend Behr, friend of mine, he is so dank. I love his honest and open dankness."

This is important to think about. I would like you to set aside ten minutes or more to think about how dank I am later this evening. I know you live alone, loser noder, so I am comfortable saying "when you are in your bed completely alone like the pathetic shaking shitbird you are" when I talk about you. I use those words so often when calling your professional colleagues at work that it isn't funny (although it actually is). This is a measure of my dankness and I am pretty darned dank.

So, what does it mean to be as dank as I am? Let us evaluate.

My high level of dankness means that I am superior to your less than dank self. If you were more dank than you were then you wouldn't be playing video games in your boxer shorts every night talking about how "nice guys never wim. There is no wimming when you are a nice guy. There is only woosing." This is true. You don't have to be as dank as I am to understand this. You need to accept that you are going to sleep alone with your little rubber love doll for the rest of your life. This is because you are not dank.

True dankness of nature, and this covers all of us explicitly, is determined by truth of purpose. What is truth of purpose? It is the truth that determines your purpose. Let us examine further.

Dankness is like a warm blanket on a cold November day in the woods. You are comforted by it, but it will not kill a deer and you need to kill a deer. Can you kill the deer you desire to see spread out dead on the forest floor? You will if you are dank. You have to be very dank to make it happen. I am dank enough. Are you dank enough? This requires deeper analysis.

When you do a deeper analysis of something like dankness as it relates to a single individual, there are processes you need to follow. If you do not follow these processes, your data may be tossed out by your peers because you did not follow the protocols that were put into place. Knowing what the protocols are in this regard can help you better evaluate the dankness of yourself or another single individual or group of single individuals grouped into a subset, such as "noders" or "people I know through the TV only."

This much, I think, is fairly obvious. How do we move beyond the basics?

Let us look at a causal example, shall we? One thing causes another and is defined as causal. Write that down in your book of new learnings. Get one if you are out of pages or are a piece of shit who never bought one to begin with. They are a requirement for noding. You will attend to this now. You cannot be dank if you are going to refuse to write down new learnings. There is no other task in front of you more relevant to some than this one. You will focus on it. You will NOT look away for three or four days. Stare at the requirements with force directing your eyes at the words and commanding them not to look away for three to four days. You will not eat. You will not sleep. You will receive no oral sex (in any form you are at all familiar with) during this time. You will suffer and you will stare. You will learn the requirements this way.

How do we measure dankness in a human subject? Good question. This requires more analysis. We need to construct a lab. You will attend to this now for me. Immediately. Send message when task is complete. There is no other way. There are not enough cows. Consider. The dankness of that node is resplendent with divergence. You will embrace this philosophy. You will convert it into a form of liquid fuel and inject it into your orafices. If the orafices resist, it will be up to you to break down their resistances by any and all means possibe. Liquid fuel will be inserted into every one of your orafices. The Lord commands it. This much is true. How do we know and understand this?

It is a five point formula. I'm not sure if you know what a formula is or not, but go to school or get a book at a college library and sneak out with it while wearing zero underpants. Then, meet back here.

Which of the five points is the most crucial? In a five point plan, each point hinges on the others, and together they make a mean beef stew. Each situation is different. Choose a five point plan that works for you. Do it now or later today. Do not wait until too long, especially not until Christmas when lines are longer at various places you might need to go to during execution of your five point plan. Make the plan personal. Choose five points you can relate to. If you can only come up with two or three, use a book to look up others.

Books often contain a quantity of learnings. These learnings may be from the very minimal to a whole new lease on life. Maybe you could start a car wash or neighborhood pharmacy. Publish your findings in a medical journal. See who comes sniffing around.

Law enforcement needs to be avoided. It can slow you down, but dank people don't deal with cops. They "skirt" the law. You need to begin "skirting the law." Do it. Do it now. Begin skirting. If no law enforcement present, practice in front a mirror. You will get better over time. Dankness will increase.

Have you made a mistake in evaluating your own dankness? Are the results of this scientific work not to your liking? Science is wrong. You can discard.

We will revist in ten years.

Dank (?), a. [Cf. dial, Sw. dank a moist place in a field, Icel. dokk pit, pool; possibly akin to E. damp or to daggle dew.]

Damp; moist; humid; wet.

Now that the fields are dank and ways are mire. Milton.

Cheerless watches on the cold, dank ground. Trench.


© Webster 1913.

Dank, n.

Moisture; humidity; water.



© Webster 1913.

Dank, n.

A small silver coin current in Persia.


© Webster 1913.

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