Dream Log: August 3, 2002

It was an amazing sensation, from what I can tell from my hazy memory.

I felt helplessness, yet acceptance. My hopes for the future flashed before my eyes. Curious, I thought it was supposed to be your past that did that.

Then came my life. It flashed before my eyes. And I mourned my death.

I panicked, because I didn’t know how to spend my remaining hours. All I thought about was my family, then again mourned my future.

I realised that it didn’t matter, that I’d be dead, and not feel anything.

I tried to comprehend that I was about to stop. That the one constant thing in my life, my consciousness, was going to stop.

I accepted it all, again, then started worrying about family. How was I going to walk downstairs (I was in my bedroom) and spend it with them?

When I woke, it was relief like an other after a bad dream.

I have experienced the knowledge of my own demise, and lived. Very few people have had that.

I feel strangely privileged.

I was working in my hometown Brookshire Bros. again, except there was more space between the aisles. I was a worker there and so were many others that I know, although I don't remember who. I do remember that Ryan was the manager.

We were preparing for some meeting to take place in the produce aisle. I was walking around looking at everything and all the fruits and vegetables were bright and dewy and fresh and all in straight lines.

I ran down to the opposite side of the store and talked to a Chinese guy with a bloody apron and a cleaver. He had some unique new food ideas to present. I was happy that we were going to revolutionalize things. I scampered back to side of the store near the produce to make sure things were okay with Ryan. I thought they probably would be, but I couldn't be sure.

I ran up and hugged him and he kissed me and I was surprised because I thought he'd consider it inappropriate in a work environment. I said, "You know the Chinese guy with the cleaver that's kinda creepy? I told him he could speak on some ideas he has."

Ryan said, "That'd be great." and I went back to the produce section to give it another once-over.

That's all I remember.

I was at Disneyland with an incredibly beautiful girl whom I have been lusting after for some time. We happened to be dancing at the time and I repositioned myself for the kiss. She paused and replied

"When we dance, it creates a magic that can never be recreated again."

The entire thing struck me as so profound that I knew I had to respect her wishes and just walk away.