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For the past two months I've been relatively unable to use my left arm for lifting anything heavier than a suitcase. Why, you might ask? Simple. I was thrown from a car. 'Now, that's a stupid stupid thing, Kiel,' you say. Oh yes. Let be begin by explaining how not to get thrown from a car.

The most important part of all of this is to never sit on the door of a car. Especially if you're on the outside, and the window's down, and you think it's a good place to sit. It's really not. Oh, and if the car happens to be running, and the driver's sitting in the driver's seat, that greatly increases the odds of being thrown violently. Especially if your friend is a dick.

So basically, it all happened like this: I was with about 10 of my friends, and we were sitting in the Acme parking lot late at night. I was bored, and looking for somewhere to sit, so I decided (stupidly) to sit on the door of the passenger side of my friend's Dodge Spirit. The window was down, and I perched myself cautiously there. Well, being stupid, my friend decided to slowly start driving. No big deal, I thought. I'll just reach inside and hang on to the "oh shit" handle. But wait! There was no "oh shit" handle! Well, that's ok, I thought. We were going slowly enough that I didn't feel any threat to my personal safety or anything, and I (stupidly) trusted my friend to not do something really, really dumb, so I still sat there. Big mistake.

It was about ten seconds later that I realized my friend was a total asshole. He floored his car, me still sitting on the door, gripping wildly at the headliner hoping to anchor myself...when he cuts the wheel left. I get thrown immediately to the right, and hello, pavement. I catch the ground with both feet, and instantly fall forward into my left shoulder. Hard. Hard enough, as a matter of fact, that I now have unsightly stretch marks as a result. I rolled for a good thirty seconds on the cold, wet pavement, and ended up slumped against a curb.

"Oh My God! Did you see what just happened!?" I hear, yelled from the group of friends who stayed behind. I expected to see them running down to help me. Nope. They almost immediately resume their laughing and talking and being big, sweaty assholes. Remarkably, I was able to stand, and start walking toward the now parked car, with the driver frantically asking me, "Kiel, are you alright? Kiel! Kiel? Are you ok?" I stopped, stared him in the eye, and simply said:

I was just thrown from your fucking car. I'm fucking dandy.

...and staggered off.

Fortunately, the extent of the damage was a minor concussion and acute bursitis in my left shoulder. Oh, that, and if Matt ever pisses me off, I'm gonna break his neck.

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