For the past
two months I've been
relatively unable to use my left arm for
lifting anything heavier than a
suitcase.
Why, you might ask? Simple. I was
thrown from a
car. 'Now, that's a
stupid stupid thing, Kiel,' you say.
Oh yes. Let be begin by
explaining how
not to get thrown from a car.
The most
important part of all of this is to
never sit on the door of a car. Especially if you're on the outside, and the
window's down, and you think it's a
good place to sit. It's
really not. Oh, and if the car happens to be
running, and the driver's sitting in the
driver's seat, that greatly increases the
odds of being thrown
violently. Especially if
your friend is a dick.
So basically, it all
happened like this: I was with about 10 of my
friends, and we were sitting in the
Acme parking lot late at night. I was bored, and looking for somewhere to sit, so I decided (
stupidly) to sit on the door of the
passenger side of my friend's
Dodge Spirit. The window was down, and I
perched myself cautiously there. Well, being stupid, my friend decided to slowly start driving.
No big deal, I thought.
I'll just reach inside and hang on to the "oh shit" handle. But wait! There was
no "oh shit" handle!
Well, that's ok, I thought. We were going slowly enough that I didn't feel any
threat to my personal safety or anything, and I (stupidly) trusted my friend to not do
something really, really dumb, so I still sat there.
Big mistake.
It was about
ten seconds later that I realized my friend was a total
asshole. He floored his car, me still sitting on the door,
gripping wildly at the
headliner hoping to
anchor myself...when he
cuts the wheel left. I get
thrown immediately to the right, and
hello, pavement. I catch the ground with both feet, and instantly
fall forward into my
left shoulder. Hard. Hard enough, as a matter of fact, that I now have
unsightly stretch marks as a result. I rolled for a good thirty seconds on the
cold, wet pavement, and ended up slumped against a
curb.
"
Oh My God! Did you see what just happened!?" I hear, yelled from the group of friends who stayed behind. I expected to see them
running down to
help me. Nope. They almost immediately resume their laughing and talking and being
big,
sweaty assholes. Remarkably, I was able to stand, and start walking toward the now parked car, with the driver
frantically asking me, "
Kiel, are you alright? Kiel! Kiel?
Are you ok?" I stopped, stared him in the eye, and simply said:
I was just thrown from your fucking car. I'm fucking dandy.
...and
staggered off.
Fortunately, the
extent of the
damage was a minor
concussion and
acute bursitis in my left shoulder. Oh, that, and if
Matt ever pisses me off, I'm gonna break his neck.