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Bananas: The delicious yellow fruit that is very healthy for you. A fruit that is high in potassium (K) that genuinely tastes really good. However, there's a catch: Bananas are the most phallic looking fruits on this planet.

George Carlin once said, "Men, how can you look at a woman eating a banana and not think of a blowjob?" Well, unfortunately, he's right. When women eat bananas, men think dirty thoughts as a reflex. It's not that we're perverted people, it's nature, we just can't help it.

What is even worse is when men eat bananas, they leave themselves open to lewd remarks from their friends. Most heterosexual men are very insecure about their sexuality, which most women love to complain about. As a result, many men are somewhat homophobic. Eating a banana in public does not help this matter at all. As a result, many many men are not consuming as many bananas as they would like.

The following actions may be taken to allow men and women in general to eat bananas without feeling dirty or leaving themselves vulnerable to ridicule. You can eat a banana and keep your dignity by doing the following:

  • Whenever possible, cut up the banana and mix it with cereal or the like. This eliminates the phallic nature of the banana while allowing you to enjoy the benefits.
  • If on the run, hold the banana from the middle. Holding it from either end looks funny and suggestive.
  • Peel the banana, and break off a small piece and put it in your mouth. Finish the banana a piece at a time. Never put the entire banana to your mouth at any time! This is somewhat suave and eliminates the opportunity to be ridiculed.

Hopefully these rules will prevent countless men and women from being the subject of inappropriate thoughts and gestures. This will also allow countless numbers to enjoy the healthy benefits of bananas and still keep their dignity.

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