Certain things people do always look completely silly, no matter who the people are or what the circumstances. Most of the time, knowing that you do this stuff sometimes yourself, you just ignore it and move on. Other times you feel sorry for somebody who embarrasses themselves doing one of these things. Every once in a while the activity is so funny that the only appropriate response is laughter. Of course, if you or a close friend are doing these thing, you try to look as dignified as possible, and hope you don't look so goofy that others remember it.

Examples I've seen while people watching:

Walking on Ice: Nobody looks cool trying to get from point A to point B after an ice storm. Instead, they look like poorly designed robots shuffling here and there with an occasional software glitch resulting in full ground-body contact. Hilarious, until it's time for your next class.

Eating a Hot Dog: Tell me people, what's funnier than watching somebody hungrily deep throat an Oscar Mayer wiener? It's "monkeys with big red asses" funny.

Sleeping in a Car: Head rested on the seat belt at a severe angle. Mouth open, with the requisite drool. Snoring. Waking up is bad, too, as the sleeper necessarily has to ask questions like "Where are we?" "How long was I asleep?" and probably "Does anyone have aspirin for my neck?"

Railing Anything: No matter what kind of clothes you're wearing, or how attractive your date is, or how much money you obviously must have, you don't look good vacuuming white powder into your sinuses. The angles they use in movies may make it look glamorous, but here in real life it looks like a dork snorting powder through a straw jammed up his nose.

Finding a dropped contact lens: Bah, this is one I have to do all the time, and I hate it. My usual method is to squat in such a way that my head is half a meter from the floor, and close the eye that is useless because it has no contact. I do sort of a duck walk around on my toes, looking doubly hard at where my foot is going to be next, and trying to keep people out of the area where I think it is. Then I am informed that it's resting on my cheek.

While the above list is quite acceptable, it is not, perhaps, complete. Neither will the following list, but it aims to at least fill in some of the gaps. So here goes.

Getting to your seat in a crowded theater: No matter how you do it, or how skinny you are, it is still an awkward shuffling of feet interspersed with 'Excuse me's and 'Pardon me's and 'Sorry's. "Now a question of etiquette: as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?"

Stalling your car: Especially in the middle of traffic and everyone behind you honking. Just start the car, drive away and hope no one you know saw.

Accidental and uncontrollable bowel movements: Pretty self explanatory, I think.

Lifting up your arm to reveal either sweat or deodorant stains: Sure it might be hot in the room, or you might use a lot of deodorant, but it just looks dirty.

Getting caught naked alone or otherwise: They look at you, mouth gaping wide. You look back. They leave. You avoid the obvious conversation for months or perhaps forever.

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