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...without getting ice cream all over your face and hands or dropping your scoop on the floor. A guide for the five year-old in us:

  • If you can, eat your ice cream sitting down at a table. If you're walking, you can trip. If you trip, your ice cream falls. And thirty second rule notwithstanding, it's hard to pick ice cream up off the sidewalk
  • Eat your ice cream come over a bowl, so that if you drop the ice cream, it will be in the bowl, and you can eat it with a spoon
  • Lick the ice cream around its base- i.e. right above where the cone begins- in a circular pattern. Do this by holding the cone upright and rotating it in your hands, not by tilting it horizontally. If you tilt the cone towards the horizon, the ice cream will drop out.(I have seen people do this.) If you lick the ice cream at one spot, instead of in a circle, it will drip over the side in the neglected areas.
  • Resist the temptation to bite a hole in the bottom of the cone and suck the ice cream out, unless you really want it dripping all over your face. Eat the cone from the top down.
  • Have plenty of napkins handy ; )
Re: Accipiter's addendum. For an early cinematic example of such see Miriam give an ice-cream cone a blow-job while flirting with Bruno before he kills her in Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train.

Metacognizant has covered the general rules which apply to everyone. I disagree somewhat with portions of these rules, because ice cream all over your face is part of the fun. But I digress. An addendum to the ruleset, if you please.

How to eat an ice cream cone. (Females):

Wasn't that an obvious one? I mean, really. Yes, I know what's running through your heads. If you're male, you're thinking "Hell yeah! That's what I'm talking about!" If you're female, you're thinking "What an ass." In all seriousness, I've got a point. You want to get yourself a bit of attention? Want others to take notice of the fact that you're eating an ice cream cone, and really enjoying it? Get a good grip on that cone, and phallicize that sucker.


Guys, don't do this. No. Just don't.

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