This is a paragraph from a discussion with my friend France, who is dealing with MS.
"just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about our little chat at the market the other day. I think part of the reason I'm much more relaxed than I used to be and cheerful and all that is that I have the freedom that comes with being told that there is nothing else the medical profession can do for you. No one is telling me that if I fight hard enough and I think positively enough, I will get better. Does that make sense?"
I just had a PET scan last week. The results from it show that cancer is still on the increase, having decided add my liver as a place to hang out. Little boogers.
I have now had seven rounds of chemotherapy. Sometimes I feel like a miracle of science, that I can still walk upright.
So we are NOT yet at the point that France describes, above, but we are in the limbo of indecision. Next week we will be seeing my doc, and making a decision about whether to continue treatment, or go into hospice care. Chemo comes with feeling like shit most of the time, and each time is less effective. New meds would be in the 20-30% response range. Hospice comes with yummy mind-altering painkillers.
If you want more detail at this point, let me know.
I miss all of you.
Wheelbarrows full of love,