I recently had a conversation with this cool transsexual I know about a coming out letter she sent to some college friends of hers. One of the responses included a phrase along the lines of: "I know you're not a follower of Jesus Christ, so I couldn't expect anything else from you." As per usual, this got me thinking...

When Jesus spoke of loving your neighbor and being accepting of their ways even when different from yours (remember how cool he was to the whore who tried to seduce him), what he was actually saying must have been "No fags, dykes, trannies, or kykes. Oh and having been born here in the Middle East I'm not actually dark skinned. It's just a really good tan, so no niggers either. And um don't mention the whole 'I'm a Jew thing." Apparently I just never read the Bible carefully enough all these years. Or maybe it was subtle context clues I missed as a child.

Arrrgh! Being Christian is about following the teachings and examples of Christ, the ones we actually have some form of documentation of (the New Testament), not the ones you may like to think he would have said had he not been nailed to a stick in the prime of his life by some overzealous Romans. To expand upon, or modify the meanings of what he said and still call yourself a Christian is both egotistical and insulting to his loving teachings.

Unfortunately it seems that this concept was only grasped by only a handful of people and one talking purple dinosaur who is reviled by millions.

"I love you. You love me. We're a great big family."
-Barney the Dinosaur

Lights come up... a screaming crowd cries for blood, and beer. Like a grey little spider, a microphone descends slowly from the ceiling. Into the center strides the man in the black and white. This is his arena.

Ladieeeeeees and gentleman! Are you ready for some wrestling?

The roar rises inexplicably higher.

Then please welcome, straight out of Nazareth, at 115 pounds, the mangling messiah, the ravaging rabbi, the King of the Jews, he died for your sins - JESUS CHRIST!

He strides out with the attitude of someone who knows where he's going in the next life. He wears his crown of thorns with supreme pride (and piety). The crowd loves him. With a single hand raised, he quiets their hysteria to a dull roar.

Get ready, ladies and gentleman, for the most brutal and exciting match in eternity. Because tonight, in front of 30,000 sinners at the Nashville InfernoDome, JESUS TAKES ALL COMERS! Let's get ready to rumble!

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