Hello, my name is Dr. Peter Swilling. I am a doctor at North Utica Behavior Health Hospital where we are treating a man named Berhardt Goats who was admitted several days ago. I was told that this was a place where his friends could be kept up to date on his status. His wife has signed all the necessary paperwork so that I am not restrained by HIPAA laws in what I share here on what I am led to believe by Trixie Goats is a secure and private site. Thank you for welcoming me.
Mr. Goats, who I am told is known as "Friend Behr" by those he considers friends, is on file as a sexually aggressive ninety-year-old man. I think that his file is incomplete in this regard and that he has many, many more mental health issues than that. I believe this merely scratches the surface.
Friend Behr was arrested by the Utica Police after numerous reports that he was wandering around town in nothing but a ratty old bathrobe with no tie and therefore open in the front. He was wearing nothing underneath and ranting about freedoms and fake viruses. Because he is a white man, they took him out to lunch and then treated him to a new Brooks Brothers suit at Frank Vita Men's Clothier before bringing him here. We admitted him and immediately isolated after he kept telling us that his head had been stolen by "zombie noders from the depths of Hell." We were, of course, concerned.
We were unable to uncover much in the way of either an arrest or a medical file on this man. The only thing we could find was that he was somehow involved in the Straight White Men's Cultural Center of Greater Baltimore, which was famously raided by the FBI a year or so ago and their leader, Brandon Hitler was killed during a gunfight. Friend Behr was not a member of the center. According to reports, he went there to use the lending library.
Since he has no file beyond that for us to understand what appears to be a great many psychological issues, including claims that he has traveled in time after being "leaped into" by someone name Sam and that Angela Merkel tried to have him thrown into a fireplace at the Kehlsteinhaus, which I understand was Hitler's summer home. I am seeing a certain preoccupation with Adolf Hitler in this man's mind. He also claims to have been born in the Ural Mountains before being experimented on by Nazi scientists (although he never uses the word "Nazi" or "scientist" as he claims both are hoaxes) and turned into some kind of super weapon. His left hand is missing, which he claims had an "X-Man" attachment installed on it. He states this was cut off when he was in a federal prison, but there is no record of any such incarceration. As you can see, we are just beginning to understand the mind of this man.
We expect to have him here for treatment for some time. I will try to update you as much as possible since we can locate no other friends or family. His wife, Trixie Goats, wants to divorce him and claims he is forcing her to stay with him after a judge told him that divorce was not justified. We can find no evidence of this court appearance, even though his wife claims it happened.
Mr. Goats speaks about a massive conspiracy where records of these events were either hidden on the hard drive of a computer owned by Hillary Clinton or destroyed. He also states he died after removing all his organs and now serves agents of "Hades." He does have a large number of scars and so forth on his body. None of them look like they were done by a competent surgeon.
Our investigation of this intriguing man continues. End daily therapy notes.