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I have been in hours upon hours of discussion groups with the cadre of North Korean generals who now own and operate everything2.com brand website and affiliates about our recent return to the old Node-by-Mail system. This is being done to avoid spreading the coronavirus which I am told is very contagious. As a man who routinely does unnecessary and tragic surgery on himself, i.e. puncturing my liver with an absolutely filthy pig killing pen knife and pulling it out of me and absolutely hurling it up on a counter at the welfare office to prove science wrong, I am not personally concerned. I have been shot by no fewer than 400 Red Army snipers. I fear nothing.

Regardless of these FACTS (and facts ARE facts), I have been chosen by the generals to bring you up to speed on the return to the Node-by-Mail system we used up until 1999 to engineer the spread of everything2.com brand nodes throughout the galaxy and beyond. This is something you can do while wearing a 1970s era pantsuit. More FACTS that cannot legally be disputed. Nothing is wrong with what I said here, but I have eaten a lot of quatney this evening.

Node-by-Mail 2020 is a revamping of the old Node-by-Mail system. In this version, since the Internet is a breeding ground for germs (no cleaner can get inside your computer where the people are), we will place our nodes in business envelopes, lick a stamp old school style with TONS of saliva and love juices that pour out of our mouths, and send them to Larry, the North Korean general in charge of node sorting. You can also click on links via the mail by making a list, checking it three times, getting so, so many of your love juices all over it, and send those in as well.

In three to four days, someone will mail you back the reputation of your node along with information retrieved from the chosen links. You can also make links via the mail by underlining them or using a highlighter. In this way, your node will be processed via the old tube driven engines that powered everything2.com brand website from 1937-1999. The old system was still up in parts of Eastern Europe and in Paraguay but has not been accessible from elsewhere in the world and space colonies since 1999.

This will hopefully help alleviate some problems people have been having lately because of being stuck in the house. Mail is now viable again. The Internet is dangerous. Germs all inside of the computer where the people are and there is NO WAY to control what they do in there (due to the perversions of the typical computer user).

Thank you for your patience. We all hope the roll out won't be half-assed.

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