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A nice meal for a dinner party. An even nicer meal for blatant showing off when cooking in halls of residence — setting fire to alcohol, if done properly, is less likely to set off a fire alarm than cooking sausages or toast, and is far more fun to watch.

Things you will need to feed four:

The calvados can be substituted for cognac, armagnac or any other kind of brandy, so long as it is at least 40% alcohol. Anything lower is trickier to burn.

This dish is best served over rice (add some cinnamon to the water whilst cooking for added flavour) or tagliatelle, with shredded carrots on the side.

What to do, which will take around forty minutes, unless you do something silly, in which case it will take several days in hospital:

  • Chop the pork into bite-sized chunks. Slice the onions. Fry together over a medium heat. If you so desire, add in seasoning and garlic.
  • While the pork is cooking, core and slice the apples. Place in a bowl, and coat with the juice of the lemon to prevent browning.
  • When the pork is nearly cooked (it should no longer be pink on the inside), add the apples and sultanas. Continue to cook for a few more minutes.
  • Now the fun part. Open the windows, close the doors, shout "hey y'all, look at this", remove the pan from the heat and pour in the alcohol. Wait a few seconds, and then ignite using a match (for the cowardly, long handled matches are considerably safer and far less fun).

    Warning: If you've never made a flambé before, you may be surprised to learn just how easily evaporating alcohol catches fire. Lose five hit points and your eyebrows.

    Shake the frying pan around a bit (but not so hard that burning food goes all over the floor or your arm) to ensure an even flaming.

  • Assuming you are not in need of urgent medical care, return the pan to a lower heat, add in the cream and stir.
  • Cook until the cream thickens. This will take around five minutes.

Serve immediately with a full-bodied Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc.

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