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Most of you will have heard how Zeus once threw a party but did not invite Eris, the Goddess of Discord, because no one wants to have Discord at a party. And you will have heard how after the Snub Eris created a Golden Apple and wrote “Kallisti” (which means, “For the prettiest one”) on it and rolled it into the party. And you will have heard how that action led to the Trojan War. And you may have heard, as is reported in Sacred Text, how Eris consoled Herself by eating a hotdog during the Snub. What few people realize is that, at the same time, Eris created a way for each of us to end the scarcity in our lives. And so, gather round, and I will tell you what really happened.

When Eris first heard that She was not invited to the party She was very sad and angry. Was She not beautiful and adorable? Did She not bring spice to the lives of Gods and men? Was not the spark of Her mischief in every act of Creation? How could the other Gods and Goddesses look down upon Her so? Were they so much better than She was?

The Goddess sat on a lonely stump and cried tears of scarcity. And where Her tears fell, the hearts of mortal beings shriveled as everyone began to want all those things that they were not allowed to have. Discord decided that if that was the way they were going to treat Her then She would reflect that energy right back at them. She conceived a pip of an idea. Let them fight over which bitch was the prettiest. She grubbed together the dirt of jealousy and the flying spittle of competitive elitism, and in the fire of Her revenge She forged the Golden Apple, trophy of the very first beauty contest.

She cackled as She realized that those who coveted the Apple of Insecurity would seek to quantify the beauty of women and of men. Helen would be “the face that launched a thousand ships”, and that faces thereafter would be judged by their ship-launching capacity. The Linda Evangelistas and Elle MacPhersons and Naomi Campbells of the Fashion World would launch hundreds of KS (kilo-ships) of face paint and fancy togs onto the collective seas of inadequacy. And so the Goddess laughed Her cruel laugh as She tossed the Golden Apple into the party for which She had been Snubbed.

Of course, that still meant that the Goddess was not at the party, and so She sought solace in bit of comfort food. She went to Her favorite private spot where the chaos of a waterfall chattered with a riot of birds. She built a fire and started to roast some hot dogs. She was still feeling glum now that the rush of revenge had passed. She wished there were a way not to feel like so much of a loser. She decided to do a ritual.

She grabbed two hotdog buns and began to dance Her intention to be rid of the scarcity She felt in Her chest. As She danced She began to realize there is no one standard of beauty or popularity or success. Eris realized that She Herself was the prettiest one. And so was Aphrodite. And so was Athena. And so was Artemis. And so was Zeus, for that matter. She began to twirl and laugh as She held Her hotdog buns to the sky as She acknowledged that most sound, whole and perfect part of Her self could not be diminished by the lack of anything at all. Then She ate Her hotdog with relish. And, at last She knew that anyone who did this ritual in the future would be free from scarcity, because the Goddess of Discord had brought a bun dance to the world.

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