Before Terry did what he did to me, I could trust a lot of people with ease. I never really worried about if someone was going to stab me in the back, or if someone was going to hurt me. I never really knew how one person could make me more careful with the people I trust; make me harsh, distant, afraid and anti-social in one day with a few simple words.
I loved and trusted Terry Thompson and loved him with all of my heart. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t and couldn’t do for him. I stuck up for him against anyone that wanted to run him in the dirt. I knew what kind of man he was, and no one else knew more than what I did when it came to Terry. I loved him, and couldn’t stand being away from him, and would never be the same if I couldn’t be with him. I dropped dreams, family, and neglected friends because I wanted him to see that I loved him. I took care of him the best I could, and tried to be sure he had everything he wanted. I loved him so much. If only I saw what others saw.
I saw him as being the most honest, loving, true, protective, caring, and believed everything that he told me. When he told me he was going to marry me no matter what, my heart melted. I could see him in a tux, me in a dress, and hear the wedding bells. I could see everyone being proved wrong. The looks on their faces, oh they were priceless. That made me love him even more. He finally showed me that he loved me as much as I loved him. He made me feel like I wasn’t the only one in the relationship. Not like I felt like that before in our relationship, but it was good to know.
Soon I came to learn that he was manipulative, a moocher, liar, weak, a coward, and a narcissistic man. When it comes down to it, I saw he was a womanizer. As long as he had a roof over his head, food in his mouth, TV to watch, heat to soak up, and a bed to sleep in, he was fine. I had fallen into this monster’s trap, and I couldn’t get out. I knew I was wrong, and I was humiliated. I didn’t know how to end it, but I knew that I wanted to. Yet again, the more I thought about what it would be like not having him there at night to hold me, and tell me how much he loved me, or not watching him lay his head on my tummy talking to our baby, I started to not want to end it. I didn’t want the companionship to end. Besides that, there was one other thing I knew, and know to this day. He would be a great father for Cereknity. He love Cereknity, and there wasn’t any doubt about it. That made it the hardest to want to leave him.
Then, on a Sunday, in the start of December, I found out what his plan was. He was gone all weekend, and I didn’t mind that. He was with his family, they even validated it. It was Sunday that everything came together. He was in Indianapolis, and got there over night. Doesn’t sound so bad, right? Wrong. The night before, the same night he went to Indianapolis, he said he couldn’t find a ride back home. My heart shattered like frozen glass in Antarctica. I called him, and he answered the phone. Before he knew it was me, a girl in the background asked why she needed to be quiet. Tears flooded my eyes like a dam had broken. My tears streaked my face like the words on a history book. They were left misunderstood, and taken for granted by the time I got off the phone.
The last thing I asked him was, “what’s going on?”
All he had to say was, “I think you’ve already figured it out. I’ve got to get off here,” he hung up, and left me there, seven months pregnant with our baby at the age of seventeen, trying not to wake my mom up who was sitting right next to me asleep. He left me there, clueless on what I did wrong, and where it all went wrong.
I miss him now, and I’m humiliated that I gave him a shot in the first place. I feel empty and don’t want to be on this planet. I don’t want to even be seen. I want to be alone, in a dim room, left in solitude with music playing. I’m not feeling “emo” as some may say. I don’t want to die, I just didn’t want people to be around me unless it was my brother. I couldn’t let others see my emotions, and I couldn’t let it get to me. I had to be strong and not feel sorry for myself. I had to realize this too shall pass and I have more things to worry about. I had to get ready for my baby; I had to get a job and a good education. I had to work with Sgt. Montgomery about getting in the Marines so Cereknity would have all that she needed taken care of. I had to help my family and forget him.
Life has been my discipline. I’ve lived what I’ve learned, and there’s no other better way of learning anything than living it. I’m going to be a mother at seventeen, my heart has been shattered, and my life is forever changed because I trusted someone, and didn’t listen to my family and those around me. Semper Fidelis.