Shepherds begin sheep armament plan
Thu Aug 12, 2004
05:07 PM ET
SOMEPLACE (Reuters) - Following massive pay-cuts and benefit losses, the Shepherder Union has announced plans to initiate a massive strike, in which 93% of the world's shepherds will abandon their flocks in protest.
Unwilling to leave their sheep completely helpless, the union has put forward a plan in which each ovine will be given a 12-gauge shotgun and enough ammunition to last through the strike.
At this juncture, it is unknown how the sheep will respond to this plan. One spokesman responded with the query: "Is this something like 'cows with guns'?"
Armament plan backfires, countermeasures deployed
Sat Aug 14, 2004 04:39 PM ET
SOMEPLACE (Reuters) - Less than twenty-four hours after the armament plan proposed by the Shepherder Union was put into action, a massive sheep rebellion broke out, with dozens of casualties as the animals opened fire on workers who were attempting to harvest wool and, in some cases, meat.
In response to this, the U.S. military has implemented a reponse which, according to one unnamed source, "has been in development since the moment we received word of the armament plan." In simple terms, the indigenous predators of the sheep population, namely, wolves, have been given bazookas and other forms of rocket-propelled weaponry. The official spokesman and leader for the wolf population, Big Bad, was heard to say, "Finally! A chance to settle the score with those muther-effin' sheep!"
It is unknown as to what this portends.
Major land war breaks out between sheep, wolves; many flee to cities
Sun Aug 15, 2004 05:13 AM ET
SOMEPLACE (CNN) - We bring you a report now from the front, where two major factions, sheep and wolves, have begun a bloody faceoff that has left many dead and many more wounded. This all began three days ago, with the decision coming down from the Shepherder Union to begin arming their livestock with shotguns, and has spiralled out of control into a massive land war that has already engulfed three-quarters of the United States and about twelve percent of the rest of the world.
We will continue to bring you updates as they occur.
Wed Aug 18, 2004 04:39 PM ET
e2 (News for noders) - Okay, you're all probably aware of the war that has broken out in... well, almost everywhere. I don't know of a place that it HASN'T broken into yet. So, to stop this senseless violence, the gods propose a plan: we shall begin arming every e2 noder who is currently active. Yes! Our glorious army shall have victory! Please commence your soy-only diet immediately. We'll do the rest.
Good job. No really. I mean it.
Thu Aug 19, 2004 07:37 AM ET
Everywhere (God) - Dear people of Earth. Your stupidity in arming animals with weaponry has ushered in the apocalypse about eight years earlier than I had intended. Good luck.
Thu Aug 19, 2004 03:17 PM ET
e2 (News for noders) - Good job on the war front, soldiers! We have witnessed many fallen, including, sadly, JohnnyGoodyear, Simulacron3, and wertperch, as well as many more not named here. The fallen will be posthumously awarded a C! for their efforts. And for those of you worried about not getting your C! once all those capable of giving them have been slain, have no fear. GIANT SQUID has agreed to give them out should that unlikely event occur.
Fri Aug 20, 2004 12:00 PM ET
Earth (no carrier) - ...
Cool Man Eddie says Hey, e2, GIANT SQUID just cooled your war effort, baby!
(r) Klaproth says I ate the population of your planet. Heaven will become their new residence.
(you have 2 messages total)
/msg me with any updates on the war.
Props to rootbeer277 for being the catalyst for this writeup.
This nodeshell was here, so I filled it at the behest of JohnnyGoodyear, bless his heart.