I don't believe in the man upstairs. He plays no part in my day to day life, unless I need someone to blame when no one is truly at fault.
Though if I did, there is only one thing I would thank him for, and that is Strawberry Milk.
I don't have a good memory, I don't remember much of my childhood, or what I was asked to do ten minutes ago.
But I do remember, being 3 years old or so, grasping a large Strawberry Thickshake in both hands and being undeniably the happiest 3 year old alive that day.
I also remember spending days at the take away store my Nan used to work at, swinging my legs back and forth as I sat at a table, blowing into the straw, making giant strawberry bubbles.
I don't really like strawberries. I'll admit that right now, half way through, in a hope you'll miss this line and keep reading.
But that artificial strawberry flavour. Milk, ice cream, toppings, chewing gum, lollies. My God, isn't that just amazing?
In all my years, all my changing tastes in music, movies, clothes, procrastination techniques and people, there is one constant:
Strawberry flavoured goodies, preferably the dairy kind.
I mean, whilst I'm partially on the topic, I'm a fan of all flavoured dairy products.
It is literally in my (user)name.
Strawberry comes first, then honey comb, lime, blue heaven, chocolate, peppermint, banana, the list goes on.
Humans aren't supposed to drink this much milk... Really, look it up.
A couple of years ago, I created something that would shame Shakespeare himself, the term Smilk.
Smilk being used to have long, emotionally driven discussions without the tongue tiring use of Strawberry Milk.
This was quickly followed by labelling the person I was talking to when I coined the term my 'Smilk buddy.'
Sadly, we stopped talking, and so it went for a couple of years. I'd make friends, we'd drink Smilk and be buddies.
Then I let it get in the middle of a relationship and for about 2 days I shunned the idea that I had linked my love for Smilk with her.
Then I had a Smilkshake and it reminded me that it was the only love I needed.
I still don't believe in the man upstairs. But somewhere up in the clouds is a giant, endless glass of Smilk.
... the fuck did I just write?