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Once there was a girl who was living with her folks,

most everything about the situation pleased her.

But the girl had a habit, see, or maybe a condition:

she spoke like Edward G. Robinson.

In "Little Caesar".

 

Not all the time, you understand, but the girl said "See" a lot, see,

enough that now her folks just called her "Ed."

But they had a nice house and a cat they called "the Cat",

and life was good,

especially now, with Christmas just ahead.

 

Ed worked on arts and crafts with the cat right by her side,

and for Christmas, she made gifts to put beneath the tree.

"Peace On Earth" coasters.

Salt shakers, with little trees, and little deer.

Mostly it was stuff like that, see.

 

Ed gave her folks the gifts she made,

her folks oohed and aahed like your folks will do,

no matter what you give 'em.

But after Christmas, see, Ed never saw the gifts again,

and she wondered if they really wanted something store-bought,

wrapped in ribbon.

 

Cats have their own ideas on where things ought to be,

and they'll wait 'til you're asleep to put 'em there.

In a back room off the hall, see, Ed found the gifts one day,

encased in kitty spit and kitty hair.

 

Ed made arts and crafts, but for the cat without a name,

she made up stories "littered" with cat humor;

you guessed it, Ed just called him "C."

Handmade gifts can't be exchanged so cheap device or not,

that's it for why she talked like Edward G.

 

By now, everyone, including Ed, was sick and tired of "Little Caesar", see;

they gave the cat a name he never answered to when called.

The handmade gifts still sparkled through the kitty spit and fur,

and Ed had no inscrutable disorder, after all.

 

So believe in those you love, Christmas comes but once a year.

Could we suffer twice as many, no one knows.

But with Fluffy by your side and if those you love are near,

the real gift isn't wrapped up all in bows.

 

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