Things not to say during sex

This is being written out of personal experience, although I'm sure there are plenty of things to add to the list. For example, it is inadvisable to yell the name of your lover's sibling, parent or best friend while in the throes of passion. This is, however, not the focus of this particular node.

By way of introduction, allow me to explain the way my mind works; I'm sure other people think like this too. If I forget something, which often happens, I don't remember it until something else reminds me, something that I have mentally linked to the original thing. Sometimes these links are obvious; a pair of socks may remind me that I need to buy some more socks, for instance. Other links are a bit more abstract, but make perfect sense to me.

My (now ex-)girlfriend and I were engaged in the aforementioned throes of passion when I suddenly remembered something. What was I thinking? Well, I was thinking about sex. But where did my train of thought go? Sex. Condoms. £2.99 (the going rate for a pack-of-three condoms). And then, I remembered that said girlfriend owed me three pounds from two weeks ago; and for a reason that I still can't fathom, I blurted out, in between her moans: "You owe me three pounds."

Suffice it to say that she wasn't thrilled. We broke up soon after, though not as a result of this particular incident; but a relationship where one's mind wanders so during sex and one that involves the mention of money afterwards is obviously not going too well. Consider it a symptom of a dysfunctional relationship.

I've read countless magazines that stress the importance of communication during sex and showing a girl that you are thinking of nothing else. Oops. And the worst thing is to mention money; there's no other way to make a girl feel so cheap and used. Call it a momentary lapse: I remembered at that moment and, lest I forget again, mentioned it. Big mistake.

So there's my contribution to this topic. I'm sure there will be better stories to add to it, because I happen to know of some; a friend of mine actually broke up with her boyfriend during sex, and another friend apparently moaned his girlfriend's mother's name.

I can't help but wish I had stories like those.

I'm one of those people who will think about something so often that I just blurt out what I have to say without thinking about the time or the place. My current relationship began with my (now) boyfriend inside me with my legs up over his shoulders. We were having extremely wonderful and fantastically rhythmic sex and I said the stupidest thing possible.

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

He paused for a minute, I assume considering the current situation that we were in (which is something I wish I had done) and said Yes, and got right back to what we were doing. After we were finished, laying on the bonus room floor in a sweaty embrace I offered him a way out and he didn't take it. I was over joyed because I thought that we could have been something.

Now, after nearly 2 years, I feel like I have trapped him like children used to trap bees with coke bottles. I have been debating whether or not to end the relationship and how to go about it without risking a possible friendship. Some times while we lay there on the floor all I can think about is ending it the same way that it began, and hope he understands.