Unconditional love

This can be a very, very dangerous thing!

I once dated a girl who got really fucked up due to the unconditional love she had for her father, a father who abused that love. He used her as a toy, never gave her any guidance, and never showed her any love himself. How he tormented her made her crazy and insane, and due to the unconditional love she had for her father she was blind about the cause of that pain. That unconditional love can make you blind in such cases is why I think it's a very dangerous thing.

This one girl's father molested her. He would get her drunk or stoned and watch her stumble about as a way to entertain himself. They went to a zoo in Florida once when she was young: he picked her up, held her over the railing surrounding an alligator pit, dropped her into the pit, and laughed hysterically at her frantic attempts to climb back out. He only reached down and retrieved her when the prank grew tiresome to him. This same girl was full of stories of such torments, and due to her unconditional love for her father it never occurred to her that these were bad things. She thought the father was just a cool guy with a good sense of humor!

My advice is to never limit your life to just one person you love unconditionally. You'll be too blind to realize when the person is bad for you. Keep friends and other family members around to observe the relationship, and listen to them when they pull you aside and describe the warning signs they've seen. Be careful who you love.

Common theme in the teachings of 12-step recovery. While mainstream beliefs regard this as a practical impossibility, the concept is valid nonetheless. The practice of this concept is essential to foster compassion in groups/individuals and is vital in helping to save lives. The expression of "unconditional love" has nothing to do with romantic ideologies. Rather, it is spiritually based on the universal concept of doing unto others. This can take many forms, but is most empathetically understood by those who know why we were chosen. We strive to unconditionally love our brothers and sisters because it was that same love that was shown to us when we needed it most.

Perhaps some would disagree, but for the purposes of this writeup, unconditional love can be taken as love for a person regardless of how they behave, of any changes in their appearance, or any other circumstances. Unconditional love is to love a person, not that person's mind, which might be changed, or body, which might fall apart.

The question then arises: if unconditional love abstracts a person from their physical and mental characteristics, what is this "person"? What is it you are loving? The simplest answer would be "their soul;" however, what most people think of as a soul is really just part of a person's behaviour. If you loved a girl with an honest soul, would she still be the same person, when you find out that she lied to you?

Our consciousness, and perhaps, our ego, lead us to believe that we exist in some fundamental way, far beyond the simple chemical composition of our bodies. We would like to think that we can love this 'self' But what could this self possibly be?

To me, it is disturbing to be told that I am loved unconditionally. It seems that in a case like that it isn't me that is being loved. If I were to act completely contrary to my nature, I would supposedly still be loved. Of course, perhaps it's impossible to act contrary to one's nature...

Start Again

Back

Surviving in this world
Taking only what I need
Finding joy where I can
Giving everything I can to everyone I know
Being true to myself
Healing the wounds I must before I move on
So that I am not wounded once again
Stepping away from things that are not my business
Or where my intervention will only produce negative results

This is how I live.

"Every sacrifice is a lesson whose teachers often don't understand the lessons they are teaching and to whom."

We are not always aware of what we are teaching or what we are learning. Our actions and our words mean different things to different people. The impact is like a ripple across an ocean. Our lives touch many others, but we concentrate mostly on those we have direct interaction with because these are the people who mean the most to us.

What is the impact of our actions on an unnoticed bystander? If we were to help a child who was lost and go beyond the call of duty to make sure that child is safe, what lasting impact does this have on those who witness? If we scream and lash out at another in public, perhaps even striking them, what impact does this have? People weave stories. People talk to each other. They use the actions of others to justify their own actions. They treat these acts they have witnessed as judgments of the nature of humankind. The ripple goes out across the ocean. An act of violence of hate breeds further acts of violence and hate. An act of kindness and love breeds further acts of kindness and love.

Even if people don't mirror the actions they observe, read or hear about, these actions have an impact on them. If someone bombs a building and kills people within, the first reaction is of vengeance, to kill those who have killed us. If we see a brave man rush into this bombed building to save a life, then we seek to honor and emulate him. Will we do either? Perhaps not, but the memory remains and impacts future actions and observances.

We have long seen the acts of retribution and honorable violence heralded and called bravery. True bravery comes from helping and perhaps saving the life of your enemy and calling him "friend." Few have that much bravery. It takes far less courage to condemn and kill a person who has done you wrong than it does to forgive him.

"Know forgiveness and you will know the path."

It has always been most amusing to me to witness a nation wrapping themselves in a religion called Christianity and then venting hatred and a desire to kill their enemies with as much force as possible. Interesting that their saviour spoke of "love thy enemy" and "offer the other cheek." Had they known what they were talking about after 9/11 they would have all climbed to the top floor of the Empire State Building and smiled. "We are here and we are ready. Bring it on." To be killed in an act of hatred by another is pretty much the quickest path to grace.

That is, of course, unless...
you actually believe this life is more than just a selfish kindergarten
And there is nothing else but this.

Nothing amuses me more than seeing a bunch of people who claim to be Christians continuing to choose Barabbas. It is really quite an amusing joke. Keep going to church and putting ten dollars in the collection plate. You are doing just fine. Cruise control.

My only relationship with Jesus Christ is that I find the message I have been given to be eerily similar to his. Otherwise, I don't know him and I don't identify with him. I'm not a Christian, nor do I pretend to be. I am merely an observer and a messenger. Yet, if you are going to claim to be a follower of a prophet or a messiah, you need to understand and practice the message. Thanks.

It is important to let go of hate and anger. These things will follow you from one frame of existence to the next, and if we do not learn, they will haunt us for eternity. This is not something I am willing to contend with, so while I find certain people annoying and dangerous in nature, I don't hate them and I practice letting go of my anger every night. I won't be tied to a cruel and hateful person into my next life and I won't let them be tied to me. You cannot know peace until you learn to practice unconditional love for all people. I achieved it, and while I struggle, it is the greatest gift I have ever been given.

Forward

The sword
For Alex Smith, who lurks somewhere out beyond the perimeter.

Do not be fooled into thinking that "unconditional love" is some kind of virtue. It is not. All things can be perverted; unconditional love is the perversion of love.

Do not confuse the idea that all souls have value, even Adolph Hitler's soul has value - with some proposed requirement that you must love others unconditionally. You do not have to.

We are made of hardier stuff. We can make it without your unconditional love. Don't flatter yourself by thinking that we depend on your unconditional love. We do not. Unconditional love is superfluous.

Do not confuse "goodness of heart" with "unconditional love". They are not the same thing. If God saves me, God saves me out of the goodness of His heart - not out of some requirement that He practice unconditional love. Good grief.

Do we all know what love is? Do we all know what unconditional means? If you can come close to understanding , even if it is just something so tenuous in the back of your mind that you just might not be sure... be assured... you know.

Love is not so great a mystery that we should find ourselves trying to explain it and quantifying it to the nth degree. We know when we are loved and we know when we are not.

We know when we love someone and we know when we do not.

I am not speaking of lust or infatuation . Those things do not come close to what love is. Loving another is not about what you receive . Loving another is simply giving yourself . All that you are. It can never be about what you can get.

If you are fortunate to find yourself beginning to love someone and you ask yourself " what can i gain from this relationship ?" than I would ask you to think long and hard about why you believe you think you are being loving.

When I love you and you tell me you do not love me , do I stop loving you ? If i say yes than my love was given with conditions. Is that love that any one of us really wants ?

If I believe that you love me , I want to know that I can totally screw up and leave you completely disappointed in me . Each of us , has it it within us to totally screw up and disappoint those that love us. If I become fearful that I will "lose" your love if I act wrongly than I must believe your love comes with conditions. Is that what we really want?

I want to love and be loved.

I did not say " I want to love and be loved in return "

I do love. Those that I love will receive all that I am . They do not need to give me anything. Not even their love. They can lie to me , they can abuse me , they can tell me that they have never loved me and i will still love them.

Does this sound hard ? Is it really possible to love someone that way ?

Yes to both questions. To love another unconditionally is the hardest thing you will ever do. No conditions means absolutely no conditions.

When you get to the point ( and I hope you will ) that you can honestly say that you love another unconditionally , you will wonder how you could love any other way.