Crawling
by Linkin Park, from Hybrid Theory
©2000 LP
Chorus :
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling, I can`t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence I`m convinced
That there`s just too much pressure to take
I`ve felt this way before, so insecure
Chorus
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled it self upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It`s haunting how I can`t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Whithout a sense of confidence I`m convinced
That there`s just too much pressure to take
I`ve felt this way before so insecure
Chorus (2x)
There`s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling, confusing what is real
This song has a lot of personal emotional value to me. If you care to know more, continue reading.
In the summer of 2001, my brother was far beyond the normal realm of teenage rebellion, in and out of trouble with the law, dealing drugs, failing school, in a constant screaming battle with both my parents. And yet we still managed to stay closer than ever. His glazed eyes, slurred speech, body wasting away due to a drug habit he couldn't kick, all at the age of 16. His best friend was sent to rehab in Montana, my parents had made plans for Adam to go to a similar place. They had made all the arrangements.
He couldn't stand being close to anyone; when having a conversation, he had to stand at least seven or eight feet from someone. But he and I would drive around in his brand new black Acura Integra, listening to this song through several amps and subwoofers, on a system that cost thousands of dollars, hurtling down Lakewood Boulevard at 100 miles an hour. carelessly passing cars uphill, tearing around the corner when we reached Lakeshore Drive and then going even faster, all the way to Grand Haven. I would watch his head roll back against the headrest listlessly, sitting in silence with a cigarette hanging from his bottom lip, hand draped carelessly over the wheel. So many times I wanted to tell him to pull over, that he couldn't drive, but I trusted him nonetheless. I was so scared for him. And the song said it all, his state of mind at the time and my fear for his life.
Adam is a little better these days. We don't drive around together any more, I am away at school and he is trying to get his grades back together and deal with all the legal problems he managed to plunge himself into during his careless days. But whenever I hear this song I think back to the closeness we had, mixed with my fear, and it somehow equates to a need to listen to Linkin Park despite their reputation.
total: 522 words
original work: 355 words (68%)
copyrighted material: 167 words (32%)
CST Approved