Ellen Feiss

I think I'm in love.

Ellen Feiss is the star of one of Apple's "Switch" ads, which are designed to get Windows users to switch to Macs. And if you've ever needed a good reason to use a Mac, I believe the lovely Ellen Feiss is as good as any reason'll ever be! You can see her little monologue on why she switched to Macs at: http://www.apple.com/switch/ads/ellenfeiss.html.

If you're not inclined to go view the movie (I'm tellin' you, man, you don't know what you're missing!), Ellen is a cute teenage girl who was trying to write a paper on her dad's PC. All the sudden it was like blip-blip-blip and then half her paper was just gone! It devoured her paper! Then comes her infamous line: "it's kind of... (long pause) ...a bummer."

Since her debut at Macworld New York 2002, Ellen has become something of an internet celebrity. (Think Mahir...only younger, female, and hot). Fan sites have popped up in her honor, their authors hoping perhaps Ellen herself might stumble across them and send an email to her adoring fans. Ellen has been featured on a bunch of widely read web publications. There have been threads posted about her at all manner of hotbeds of internet culture, like the Something Awful forums and Fark.com.

So what is the appeal of Ellen? Certainly her fanbase consists mostly of youngish males, especially Mac-using males like myself would just LOVE to- er, wait. Where was I? Oh yes. First of all, she's cute as a button in that kind of girly but not quite slutty or ditzy way. She sounds kind of out of it, like she's mildly stoned. She has that kind of pouty chic about her. And there is her obvious association with our favorite computer manufacturer. This makes us think that maybe if we just had a few hours alone with her she would be impressed by our Mac skillz and want to maybe...- NO, wait a second! In truth, we're all very sympathetic to her plight. I, personally, hope she's very happy with her new PowerBook, and that all her papers get printed out safe and sound.

For now, though, she remains the wet dream of geeky teenage guys everywhere. I mean, I know she's MY- er, I mean to say that, I would certainly never... Ahem. Really, go watch her spot. Buy Macs. Think different. And Ellen, if you ever read this: will you marry me? Seriously, I'm a nice guy, and I know all about Macs! I once had to ResEdit my copy of Quark because it got corrupted and- Come on! Really! I wash my hair at least three times a week and come on Ellen, give me a chance...

What was the paper about?
It was about Chinatown, and the formation of Chinatowns in America. I lost like three pages of it; it was terrible. It was a really, really good paper.

Does it bother you at all that some of your fame might be related to your perceived state of sobriety in the commercial?
It doesn’t really bother me. I do admit to looking pretty out of it in that commercial — I think I look horrible. It was after school, but I was the last person to make the commercial, so by the time I made it it was like 10, so I was really tired. The funny thing was, I was on drugs! I was on Benedryl, my allergy medication, so I was really out of it anyway. That’s why my eyes were all red, because I have seasonal allergies. But no one believes me.