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There are not many songs, or singers for that matter, that affect me emotionally. In fact I pride myself on not being one of the weak ones that weep while watching a poignant film or crack at the sound of a beautiful melody. It does not matter how apt or resonant the music is, I simply will not let it happen.

So when I say that "first orgasm" as sung by Amanda Palmer and performed by The Dresden Dolls reaches me to the core of my being then you may just grasp how much I dig it. It means this song, the words coming from Palmer's voice and the heart-wrenching piano accompaniment, all combine into such a powerful tune that an average uncouth guy in his mid twenties verging on the edge of fratbrodom is left in awe every time the song plays. It's as if I remain frozen in time, in space, and all that exists around me ceases to be. Listening to this song is, in fact, a special occasion, and I am glad that such a song never makes it to the public airwaves because I shudder to think what would happen if I should be struck by a "first orgasm" attack on the public roadways. No mailbox or parked car would be safe.

Overly dramatic description of my own experiences with the song aside, it really is a great listen. Palmer's voice is steady and unbelievably beautiful, and she certainly holds her notes well. However, it's the moments where the voice wavers that get to me. In those moments she does more than sing. She conveys the hard lament of a persona that experiences the sexual nirvana of the lonely. The song begins very serenely, with the woman describing her morning routine and describing what she sees as she sits at her computer. During the fun she wanders off and decides that a little relief is in order, and in this song it is exactly that: relief. A momentary distraction, a tiny sneeze... another part of the routine. Not quite the great and wonderous experience spoken of by some and hoped for by many more, and that is perhaps why the words in the song resonated so strongly. Never before had I considered that the act of self-gratification is merely part of a routine, something to get out of the way so that I may continue with the next item on the to-do list. Palmer expresses the notion well in this song and complements the message with the beauty of her singing and ivory tinkling. As she climaxes so does the music, becoming more dramatic to keep in step with the real highlight of the piece which is Palmer's rousing vocals, until at last she peaks and begins the somber downslide, declaring that other people only complicate things. She can take of it herself. If only that were true...

But that's enough of a simple man's explication of a deeply moving and beautiful song. Without further ado, the lyrics for Amanda Palmer's "first orgasm" (and I urge you, yes YOU, to buy the album "Yes, Virginia..." or find a way to listen to the track in order to fully appreciate the voice and the emotion behind the words).

first orgasm

it is a thursday
i get up early
it is a challenge
i'm usually lazy

i make some coffee
I eat some rice chex
and then i sit down
to check my inbox

i only read a word or two
i stare across the street and see the churches and the blue

the first orgasm of the morning
is cold and hard as hell
there won't be any second coming
as far as i can tell

i arch my back cause
i'm very close now
it's very cold here
by the window

there are some school kids
yelling and running
i barely notice
that i am cumming

the first orgasm of the morning
is like a fire drill
it's nice to have a little warning
but not enjoyable

i am too busy to have friends
a lover would just complicate my plans
so i will never look for love again
i'm taking matters into my own hands

i think i could last at least a week without someone to hold me
i think i could last at least a week without someone to hold me
won't you hold me?

copyright 2005 amanda palmer


Time taken to find and purchase the song when I realized I needed to listen to it right now: 58 seconds. Number of times "first orgasm" played during the sporadic writing of this: 46.
Were you expecting a juicy story about the first coming? Well, I'll leave that to you.

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