Equipment required:
1 Hacking device (axe, glaive, halberd etc.)
1 Hackable object (door, table, son’s birdhouse etc.)
Optional: 1 Set of protective eyewear

Step 1

Prepare hackable materials in a way appropriate to the item. For example, assure door is securely attached to doorframe, or table has all four legs firmly in place. The table is an ideal object to be hacked on account of its distance from the floor. Note: If possible, avoid placing hackable object directly on floor, as this may lead to damage upon the hacking device.

Step 1.5 (Optional)

If you should decide so, place protective eyewear in such a position as to protect the eyes. This will minimise possibilities of stray splinters entering the eyeball. Many hacking traditionalists believe that such measures have dulled the excitement and challenge of hacking. Use your judgement.

Step 2

Once you’ve have checked that the positioning and safe placement of the soon to be hacked object (having a door swing open at the last moment is at best embarrassing, at worst dangerous to both yourself and bystanders). Now, position your hacking device for hack commencement. If the object is parallel to the floor (i.e. a table), place the hacking device over the shoulder, clasping handle at the base. If the hackable object stands at a right angle to floor, hold hacking device at waist height, one hand at base, and one hand near the hack-interface (See: Sharp Bit).

Step 3

It is now time to engage the hack process. Relax shoulder muscles while tensing forearm and biceps. The key is to use momentum and centrifugal force to one’s advantage. Move hacking device in an arc. It is important realise that you do not aim the device directly, but rather judge the semicircularswing” of the hack-interface. Consider yourself at the centre of a circle, of which the hacking device handle represents the radius. The object to be hacked should lie approximately 120º on the circumference. Swing hacking device forcefully, but not wildly.

Step 4

It is now time to survey the results of your work. If object has been transformed into a number of smaller, misshapen objects, then you may consider your first foray into hacking a success. Congratulations! On the other hand, if you have merely dented, or worse yet, completely missed the object, do not fear. Simply apply these patented steps once again, and eventually you will experience the sweet satisfaction of a successful hack.

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