This is heavy stuff but this is mainly about perfectionism and basically punishing myself so so so much whenever I do something wrong, like any mistake equates to damnation. I think I'm getting better about it but I'm just... I hate constantly worrying if I'm going to burn in purgatory for having "forbidden" feelings or acting on them. Christianity is a pathology that I have adopted and internalized and likely will continue to do so as long as I live.

It's also about how hope remains, no matter how withered and smothered, no matter how much I rot and fester, there is always hope.

 

bilious, festering, shrouded in tears

moth to flame, iron to rust

terrible, ruined prayers

choking, heaving, pushed out like dust

sinners wreathed in hellfire

embers dancing, breathing, eternal

souls perfected in sin

fickle, fleeting bodies

smothered with smoke

gagged, forced to choke

love remains, hope persists

I recognize the light,

as my soul takes flight,

tarnished by night, by blight

bilious, festering, shrouded in tears,

fate twists me, tempts me, leers

hope remains.

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