Natural Light

The absolute bottom of the barrel (or keg) when it comes to beer. Natural Light (aka natty light) is extrordinarily cheap, and is therefore consumed in great quantities on college campuses. In beer, like most things, you get what you pay for. If you've never tried it, count yourself lucky; it tastes like piss in a can. Save up your money, then go buy some real beer.

Natural light is a frightening phenomenon. Most light that we know of is produced within thin glass bulbs or tubes. Natural light, however, emanates from an immense ball of fire, bombarding us with harmful radiation. This so-called "natural" light can burn a human being to a crisp and cause severe dehydration. It should be avoided at all costs, in favour of the comforting blue glow given off by the television, or the area of wan lighting which surrounds your monitor. While some of us have been lucky enough to escape the harsh assault from the flaming ball on high, many have been scarred for life and left with freakish blemishes called "freckles", or even been forced to molt, shedding their now-radioactive skin and beginning the arduous process of growing a new one. "Natural Light" is present outside for lengthy periods of time. Clever use of mirrors will allow you to detect it, ascertaining if it is safe to leave your home, or if you're better off just having a courier deliver those cigarettes.

Natural light need not be so frightening. We can experience it indoors before moving to the more challenging outdoors. Thankfully, some clever soul realized that fluorescent light is not good for humans, and tends to drive them insane and hate people in cubicles. This person invented "full-spectrum" lights which give off light very similar to that produced by the immense ball of fire.

Some companies have been nice enough to install this lighting already. You may notice that the light appears more pink than standard fluorescent. You may also notice that your mood is lifted a small bit. Now, if you can sit in this light for a while, then you are probably ready to go outside to the natural light. Just remember, the natural light outside is much, much brighter (unless you live in Cleveland) and you'll probably need some sunglasses and sunscreen.

Good Luck!

Natural Light is the greatest beer ever. This is a beer with no negative qualities. It is cheap: you can get a case of 24 for $7 from a Pennsylvanian beer distributor if you do your research.

Natural Light (a.k.a. Nattie Light) is produced in St. Louis, Missouri by the factories of Anheuser Busch, that rival in wonder and pure imagination the factories of Willy Wonka himself. Nattie Light is a fantastic brew. Its yellowish color is the exact and perfect yellow as specified by the Royal Canadian Ministry of Spectrometry.

It provides the perfect pour.

Natural Light's classic blue and slate countenance is recognized in over 76 countries and has been voted the Most Bingeable Beer of Show by eight consecutive meetings of the Munich Beer Diet. Nattie Light is the essential beer for any player of beer drinking games because of its simple yet elegant nose and nearly regal body.

Because of its magical ingredients (some believe it to contain pure liquid gold) Nattie Light is in fact skunk-proof... if you follow the rules. (To skunk a beer is to ice the beer, warm the beer, then proceed to ice the beer again). Skunking of Nattie results in a drinkable isotope of increasingly splendid complexity as long as you drink the beer on even skunkings:

• Once skunked Nattie: Undrinkable... the Nattie is inbetween drinkable states of skunkability.
  
• Twice: Almost exact to its Zero Skunked cousin, but with a slight raspberry flavor that seems to come from nothing.
  
• Thrice: Undrinkable... if you are brave enough to open such a can you will be met with a rancid waft.
  
• Four times: Pleasurable and warm. Four times skunked Nattie Light is the pride of Bohemia.
  
• Five times: Undrinkable... dangerous and cancerous with a hint of goat.
  
• Six times: Smooth, with a Germanic body and the courageous after taste of Mediterranean spice.

This continues until ten times skunked Nattie, where all afterwards are undrinkable. However, research suggests an island of stability may exist after fifty-eight skunks. This is the holy grail of Nattie Lightists, and has yet to be attained with current refrigeration technology.

All Natural Light bubbles are the same size and are perfect spheres.

P. Diddy is a closet Nattie Light drinker, as is Laura Bush.