When Raves Attack!

"

Raves Ravage City of Medics

"

...Screams the headline on the Toronto Sun front cover next to a mostly naked woman in a bikini. Raves must be devouring medics in their massive campaign of terror over the entire city of Toronto(even scaring away squeegee kids). There are not enough medical personel to deal with the good times being had by young people everywhere, led on by RAVES that are destroying their minds with

ELECTRO-SATAN MUSIC

.

DRUGS don't kill kids, RAVES kill kids

, dangerous social activism through sonic expression that appeals to the mass conscience of ravers, who themselves have been swallowed whole by the death trap RAVE machine.

Sensationalism in the press, even

"VIAGRA/ECSTASY MIX ALL THE RAVE"

makes headlines a day later. Do people actually believe this? and do those that believe in trash information actually have a voice in governing policy?

Time to break out the pepper spray...

RAVES WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN

I find it more likely that moronic ravers will coerce your child into becoming a droning, babbling idiot that never shuts up and ironically never has anything of value to say.

Being eaten would be too easy

Though I do have a problem with sensationalistic reporting practices, I have an equally big problem with idiots. If I had an acre for every fucking conversation I have heard in which every sentence contains at least three instances of the words "like" or "duh" within it, I would already be my own sovereign nation.

DRUGS DON'T KILL YOU, THEY JUST MAKE YOU A COMPLETE FUCKING LACKWIT (No biggie)

You can argue all you want and I challenge you to find a "raver" that doesn't act like a mumbling spastic numbskull all the time. I certainly can't find one. Smoking weed from dawn till dusk kills your fucking brain. I know that all the cannabis activists would like you to believe differently but it is the truth.

They are annoying and stupid and yes, if I had children I would fret about them grilling their brain cells day in and day out because they can't face reality.
Drugs are great in moderation.
Music is great.
I own more techno than I will admit to; yet I find you will be hard pressed to come up with truly valid excuses for having an utter disregard for your own life as if it were some sort of fairy land. Some day the music is going to stop and mommy is going to stop shelling out the dough and a large portion of Middle-America's children are going to fall on their asses.

I will, of course, be laughing.