(A Nodeshell Commando Action)
(A NodeShell Challenge by graceness)
(As seen in
Men's Health Journal 10 Nov 2000;
Reader's Digest Condensed Books and Articles, 17 Nov 2000;
Blue's Cluesletter, Dec 2000)
Contrary to
popular belief,
scientific research shows strong evidence that
boobies DO make the world go round. This research was performed in response to several
angry responses this publication received in correlation with an earlier article, "
Why boobies won't save the world." (5 Sept 2000) The
errata printed by this publication are listed and corrected below.
- Boobies don't pay the bills - This has been ardently disproven with examples such as strippers, porn stars, and Playboy bunnies having been cited and referenced by the readership.
- Boobies have no medicinal effect, either on the psyche or general medical health - This was instantly disproven by several women who claim the following, in summation: "The important thing to remember about men is that no matter what they are complaining about, whether its that they hate their jobs, their backs hurt, or they feel like their lives are 'empty and meaningless', popping a singular booby in the mouth of an ailing man not only makes him feel much better but also ceases his incessant complaining." Boobies are proven to have a 99% effectiveness rating against placebo with most non-lethal illnesses, even alleviating chronic muscle and joint pain.
- Boobies have no bearing on the gravitational axis or orbital motion of the earth, causing it to factually 'go round' - A weight-to-gravitational-force equation was compiled at MIT (Physics): R={(b2)+(e)}{S+T}3 - where R=rotation, b=total world weight of boobies, e=everything else, S=Spin velocity and T=axis angle. Using this equation it's easy to see that if all the boobies on Earth suddenly disappeared, the instantaneous loss of so much mass would cause the Earth's rotational speed jump 29.6 Miles-per-second in the space of 2 seconds, effectively sending the axis angle out of balance with the density of Earth and causing it to break off its axis and spin into the Sun. So, conclusively, while boobies do not literally make the world go round, their presence does prevent us all from being hurtled to a firey cataclysmic
demise.
So,
in conclusion, the magnitude of the effect that boobies have on our everyday lives should not be downplayed or under-estimated. Please remember to
support your local boobies, because without them, the citizens of earth would be the main course at an
intergalactic luau.