On December 15th, I received a worried call from my girlfriend 2,000 miles away. It was during this call that I broke up with her. Rather, I told her, "I need to take a break." She was worried before she heard my voice because I normally call every day. But because it was finals week, I was stressed over my trip to Hong Kong, because of family problems, and because of serious prior communications problems I was having with my girl I decided to cut one responsibility from my life and I picked her's.
She begged. She promised she would do whatever it took, to help in whatever way she could...to change, to stop being so demanding, to stop whatever it was I did not like. That is not what I wanted, I wanted simplicity.
Like some other noders--Jennifer and nocodeforparanoia--on this very day I had been waiting for a change or to make one myself. I did. Now, I must walk a new path.
Something was bothering me, however. When I said goodbye to her I did not know how she felt outside of the words she last spoke to me. A constant mantra of, "but I love you...but I love you...but I love you..."
And it bothered me.
I tried to purge her memory from my life. I took down all the pictures. I packed away all of the "I love you notes." I took back her Christmas gift. I sent her Christmas card to somebody else. And today I received her's in the mail.
In it was change, finality, and reassurance. And her is what it read:
Hope that when you receive these few words, you're found in God's most loving care...
If your happiness means my suffering, then I guess I've got to let go of you and suffer...
I have loved you yesturday, I love you today, I will love you tomorrow, and probably always will love you. But I have to say goodbye for now...not because I want to, but I need to...if to show you how much I love you and care for you, then let me prove to you my love...
Love, Ally
12/20/01
An ultimatum upon her suffering. Let it be the worse she must suffer and I will have done her a favor. Finally, some finality.