I know - another Day Log about the terrible events of the last 24 hours but I'm doing this for me. I know we should
node for others and all that, but I need to put my shaking hands to to the keyboard just to help clear my mind.
I am still stunned. I can't believe it - this is me, I rarely get worked up about world events. People I know and love yes, but the distant world - not usually. The last time I can remember feeling like this was years ago when 'we' declared war on Saddam Hussein. I spent the day then, as now, walking around like a zombie, flitting from thing to thing, never achieving, never finishing - in fact never even starting doing anything.
I am hurt to the very core of my existence that anyone could wish to cause so much harm, so much pain, to any living thing, let alone fellow human beings. Yes, I think that is it, that is what is making me feel this way. I see other tradgedies, earthquakes, floods, and feel saddened by what I see, but this - this act of violence - was deliberate and planned. They knew what was going to happen and rejoiced. They saw what happened and rejoiced. My children asked me why they were happy but I had no answer. There can surely be no answer. I can only tremble as I, also, ask WHY.
...and, with terror in my heart, I am also wondering... WHAT NEXT?
Later in the day I stood with many others for a minute's silence. My eyes filled with tears I could barely contain. A few minutes later I was sobbing - it helped a little, for a while, but there will never be enough tears in the world to wash away all the hurt.