Carjacker - A Career Profile
Have you ever walked out to the parking lot and been unable to find your car? The confusion and fear set in, but soon you realize you've parked your car in the next row over. How embarrassing! But don't worry, it happens to everyone. But what about the unfortunate few that can't ever find their cars again? Well, the people that make this magic happen are working hard 'round the clock to generate work for police officers and make tragic bar stories for their victims work 'round the clock to improve their craft.
Working Conditions and Earnings
You'll want to go somewhere that the car business is already big. Two requirements are a local chop shop at which you'll earn cold, hard cash for the fruits of your labor, and a decent supply of wealthy people with nice cars. Big cities are often the best.
You won't earn a lot. Anywhere from 5-10 grand per car, but a lot more if you get lucky. You'll be working nights, mostly, so be prepared to deal with the schedule change. You'll also be spending a lot of time on the move, so be used to travel. And, in case things go awry, be sure to have a friend in Mexico you can shack up with if you get in a jam. And, worst case scenario, you should also be prepared to spend a lot of time in a small, cold cell with a large man that wants to be your best friend.
Education and Qualifications
Grand Theft Auto is a skill you don't learn in school, so stop going. It can help though, so maybe now's not the best time to quit the day job. Car thieves should know how to operate a car and have a fully-functional set of legs. Training in auto mechanics is a plus - the craftiest car thieves can bypass all those fancy computer security systems and steal even the newest, most expensive cars in a short amount of time. The upside to this is that you can create a high revenue without actually having to work with people - not that social skills are important in this field. You can still avoid true carjacking without any real technology know-how, but you'll probably spend a lot of time wrenching Clubs off of old Volvos.
If you prefer to go the direct route, you should have poor people skills. This comes naturally to most people, but you can sharpen these by moving to New York City. As a carjacker, your duties will include stealing cars by force while the owner is present. Being able to wave a handgun in a threatening manner is a useful thing to know how to do, but be careful - pick the wrong car and you'll find yoursely staring down the barrel of a shotgun. Avoid pickup trucks in rural areas to avoid this mishap.
More Information
Play a lot of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and watch the movie Gone in 60 Seconds.
Don't take anything seriously. Many apologies to DrDoof, and those who actually have had their car stolen.