I enjoy sneezing. I really do. As a child my
mother frequently found me sticking pencils up my nose to trigger a sneeze. I don't publicly admit it, but this practice has continued into my
late adolescence. I try to cover it up by pretending I'm doing something more respectable, like snorting
speed. Or perhaps not, that last bit was
a big lie.
It's important to distinguish between the
illness sneeze and the stimulated sneeze. The former is usually incredibly messy, painful and tends to make my lips crack and
bleed. The latter is strangely
invigorating, and leaves you feeling refreshed and happy.
Don't just take my word for it, try it. Bend a
paperclip and poke around up there until you hit the trigger. Or use a biro. It's a
low-cost hobby.
I'm going to hell, aren't I?